Some favorites and a fucking staggering collection of duds from Wednesday's commenting.
Favorites, in no particular order:
In the Wake Up Deadspin post, I laughed out loud at MarkKelsosMigraine's sharp George Will joke. Terrific.
In the Rondo Somersault post, I giggled at Fendi Hotdogbun's dig at Shaq. "Summer sausage" is really what did it.
Our guy dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese-mac cracked me up with this awesome recontextualization in the Fantasy No-No post. Great job.
Hatey McLife pumped out a couple of winners on Wednesday. His contribution to the Jayson Werth post was probably the Comment of the Day. Later, in the soul-shattering zone of alienation that was Emma's Boob post, his Brett Pedroia joke was probably the other Comment of the Day. What can I say? Hatey rescued the commentariat today.
Brilliant, wonderful, and deeply-mourned commenter Clinton Portishead came back with a bang in Emma's Boob post, stirring quite the ovation with a characteristically fantastic one-liner. God, please, please, please let the prize for today's misery be the return of Clinton Portishead. It will all have been worth it.
And finally, if only for being spot-fucking-on in its appraisal of the situation, I really appreciated SponsoredbyV8's contribution to Emma's Boob post. It's funny because it's fucking depressing as hell and 100% accurate.
Total Fucking Duds
Strap in, motherfuckers. The little list I make of Duds on a notepad at my desk each afternoon is the fucking white pages. I had a moment today where I considered the possibility that the two Boobs pieces were a not-so-elaborate way of getting rid of my blog. I feel actual pity for those funny featured and unstarred commenters who attempted honest-to-God jokes in that environment. Those efforts were almost entirely swallowed by the most overwhelming crush of flat-out horrible commenting I can remember.
Unbelievably, unstarred commenter shuttledik reappeared, if only very briefly, in the Wake Up Deadspin post, to the dismay of actual commenters. The comment_ninja quickly shut him down again. I'm not sure how this happened, but it's somewhat discouraging. At any rate, our guy Tulos_Mullet earned a warning for his behavior in the thread. I suppose the rule here is Make Jokes, but a warning from AJ is a pretty strong nudge for a mostly harmless reply.
Also in the Wake Up Deadspin post, unstarred commenter CalClutterBuckFutter went with asking for a joke over making a joke. Stop it. Make jokes.
RMJ=H went with an unedited line straight out of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, in the Rondo Somersault post. That's disappointing. Make jokes.
Unstarred commenter Shot_From_The_Musket aimed low and still missed with this lazy offering in the Flying Kick post.
Right below him in the Flying Kick post, unstarred commenter HelenaHandbasket offered a similarly flaccid comment. That's your best effort? Jesus.
I'm not sure what in blazes unstarred commenter 214w was thinking with this comment, but the fact that he offered it in each of the Rondo Somersault posts is deeply troubling.
In the Second Rondo Somersault post, unstarred commenter Terrence_Mayonnaise needed to finesse this comment at least a little bit before submitting it. There's a joke in there, I'm sure.
Terrible unstarred commenter TheMisanthrope had a rough outing today. His first dud came from the NBA Reading post. There's just nothing to like about that comment. Later, a pancake flat, predictable John Amaechi joke drew the ire of the comment_ninja.
And here's another tired John Amaechi joke, also from the NBA Reading post, this time from unstarred guy dondi203. I personally think the John Amaechi topic has been wrung dry many times over, but at any rate, if you're going to use John Amaechi to make a gay joke, it better be clever as hell. Believe me, if it's not mind-bogglingly fresh and creative, it's been made already many times over.
Unstarred commenter Perdueable also had a bad day, first drawing the attention of the comment_ninja with a dreaded photo-joke in the NBA Reading post. Later, in Emma's straight-from-hell Boob post, his was just another totally useless, not-at-all-clever sacrifice to the gods of low-hanging fruit. You're trying already, now try harder.
In the Foul-Mouthed Coach post, unstarred commenter DoxDox left another uninspired "[insert name] is/is not impressed" joke. He's only the 1,324,848,901st person to use that worn out format. Whether that distinction comes with any sort of prize is unclear at this time.
1,324,848,902. (JobuNeedsARefill, No-Hitter post)
No one in the entire universe cares about the plight of your fantasy baseball team, EsotericPopCulturePun, not even in the Fantasy No-No post. In a million years, no single person would laugh at that comment. Be funny.
Also in the Fantasy No-No post, this, from unstarred commenter ttocs. [big sigh]
I did not enjoy this sarcastic quip from wattznext in the Live Magazine post. So there.
Also in the Live Magazine post, this, from unstarred commenter FedorovsGoldenMane. (Running out of steam, here.)
And now we've come to it: the Boobs duo. Holy fuck. [deep breath]
This, from unstarred commenter packman_jon. You were the 100th person to make that joke in that post. Read the Commentist Manifesto.
This, from unstarred commenter slagmire. Have I mentioned my problem with photo-jokes?
This, from unstarred commenter Pyrowrx (slapped by comment_ninja & FAILBOT).
This, from unstarred commenter TorontoMapleBeef. Boy did you read that situation wrong (slapped by comment_ninja).
This, from unstarred commenter Operating_Thetan_VII (banned by AJ).
This, from unstarred commenter Big Willis Style. Lazy, already made by a thousand other bone-heads.
This, from unstarred commenter PerkisPower (banned by Craggs).
This, from unstarred commenter DogRidingRodeoMonkey (suspended by comment_ninja) Hey, that's Scrap-Meta Commenting. I coined that term.
And this, from unstarred commenter Punkin, who managed to miss the joke entirely. Or maybe not. Either way, fuck off.
That's it. God damn every last one of you straight to hell.
Eat DUAN and die.