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Some favorites and a fucking fuck-load of duds from Monday's commenting. (Links function in Firefox.)
Favorites, in no particular order:
Unstarred commenter Sir_Loin put the shtick away and contributed this neatly-packaged one-liner in the Manny Pacquiao post. For his efforts, his comment was promoted and received a +1. Well done.
Also in the Manny Pacquiao post, I really enjoyed IronMikeGallego's sharp, well-rounded dig at Shane Mosley. That's a great job, there.
Gamboa Constrictor got in on the act, dropping this elegant Shane Mosley rip, also in the Manny Pacquiao post. The Manny Pacquiao post was good to the commentariat today.
UweBollocks, When_you_get_the_money_you_get_the_Micah_Hoffpauir, IronMikeGallego, Steve_U, and Insert Clever Name contributed to another great thread today, this time in the Soccer Affairs post. +1s all around.
Steve_U did more than add his voice to a silly thread today. Also in the Soccer Affairs post, I laughed at his long, goofy re-imagining of Doctor Who, and later, in the Jim Tressel post, his stupendous one-liner was perhaps the Comment of the Day. That's good hustle. And last but not least, in the Trey Wingo post, a simple name-pun won an ovation from the crowd.
All Over But The Sharting's funny Kronum joke in the Drew Brees post started an excellent thread, featuring Eddie Murray Sparkles, IronMikeGallego, UweBollocks, and ToddReesingsTurfFacial. That may be the last terrific Kronum joke. We'll see. At any rate, hey, +1s all around.
And finally, in the Andrei Kirilenko Back Tattoo post, I giggled quite a bit at Vodkanaut's outrageous Mikhail Gorbachev joke. He does these long dialogue jokes about as well as anyone.
Total Fucking Duds
Lots of duds today. Without further ado:
Unstarred commenter 214w really should have reconsidered submitting this clunky comment to the Wake Up Deadspin post. The effort to be funny is there, but it's unfocused and more than a little awkward. My advice to new commenters is this: always pare your comment down to a single funny idea, and always finesse that single funny idea into its best, most elegant, most impactful iteration.
The Magic Johnson post was more-or-less a disaster. Most comments were terrible. We'll start with this just incredibly unfortunate offering from unstarred commenter Michael Clark. That's the cheapest, laziest, most worthless comment I can remember seeing. Nothing about it is even remotely successful or even appropriate. Make original, creative, funny jokes. This half-assed, brain-dead, slap-dick refraction of humor will not do.
Unstarred commenter Don't Bring That Kool-Aid To This Gin Party brought some weak-ass Kool-Aid to the Deadspin gin party with this POS ESPN.com comment. Try harder. Way, way harder.
I'd like to know who the hell approved unstarred commenter triple, architect of this pile of shit comment. I'm in no position to insist upon such a thing, but I'd like to recommend that any time a pink commenter is approved, the approving commenter link them immediately to the Commentist Manifesto as part of their approval. This is a flat-out atrocious comment.
I'm not going to slaughter the guy, but DUAN exists for exactly the kind of commentary unstarred guy all oiled up left in the Magic Johnson post. Why is that so hard to understand? Any time you feel like having a conversation about a post or want a serious response, save it for DUAN. The entire commentariat will thank you for it.
I was disappointed to see otherwise solid commenter DJNeuro make this limp, flimsy, lifeless one-liner out of the lowest-hanging fruit in the Magic Johnson post. To be clear, there is absolutely a solid joke in that idea, but my guess is DJNeuro knew it was an obvious go-to pun and rushed this thing out to get there first. That is always a bad idea.
One final Dud from the Magic Johnson post: this lame offering from unstarred commenter JobuNeedsARefill. There's just no ambition whatsoever to this thing. Would anyone anywhere actually laugh at that?
Not a whole lot needs to be said about this joke, from unstarred commenter Notyourvidis, in the Soccer Affairs post. That's just a depressingly cheap excuse for another pancake-flat Greg Oden joke. And Notyourvidis knew it, which is why he stepped all over it. Terrible.
Also in the Soccer Affairs post, this endlessly annoying contribution from unstarred commenter Tea_for_Dong. One gets the impression that either the throwaway nonsense of a joke was just an excuse to blather on about "Giggsy", or the "Giggsy" chatter was a clumsy way of deflecting attention from the throwaway joke. Either way, that's a turd.
This piece of crap, from unstarred commenter DarkhorseFinishedLast, in the Soccer Banner post, is . . .ummm, a piece of crap. Your enjoyment of The Family Guy is not funny, nor is it creative or original.
ToddReesingsTurfFacial struggled today. Mightily. This comment in the Milton Bradley post is, as he pointed out, unoriginal and lazy. It's also, as I Like Cheap Beer pointed out, awkward, clumsy, and off-target. It's annoying as all hell that ToddReesingsTurfFacial knew it was a turd and edited it to apologize for it, but didn't just redact it. But it's even more annoying that he didn't take a few minutes and consider it before submitting it. I've said this before; ToddReesingsTurfFacial is what I call a grinder; his goal is to push out a high volume of comments, and that effort forestalls any chance of his average comment being worth a damn. Later, this. I'll be honest; when I read the name "John Amaechi" in a Deadspin comment, I groan immediately. I'm certain the idea has been beaten to death from every possible angle. But ToddReesingsTurfFacial went with it, and his joke did absolutely nothing to disabuse me of this certainty. At this point, you could replace the entire joke with [insert lame-ass John Amaechi/gay joke] and it would have the exact same effect.
Unstarred commenter TheMisanthrope also sucked today. His lazy-ass rent-a-joke in the Rafael Nadal post was snarked by the comment_ninja, with good reason. Later, in the Phil Jackson Peyote post, he used a photo to make a desperate insult type joke. This is fucking lazy commenting. This guy sucks. Start the death clock.
In the MLS Salaries post, unstarred commenter dickutah threw up this thing. What the hell. Do better.
In the Andrei Kirilenko Back Tattoo post, Disco Choo went to the John Amaechi trough and had his weak shit shuffled off to #notsuperhomowatervolleyball by the comment_ninja. Jesus, if you're going to go down in flames, at least spell the guy's name correctly.
And finally, unstarred commenter Brosef Stalin was too lazy to notice his forgettable one-liner had already been made earlier in the Drew Brees post. It's a crappy joke anyway, but it may not have made the list if he'd been the first or only to make it.
And that's all the news that's fit to print. Welcome back, and have a great DUAN.