Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Tuesday Roundup

(For our recent AzureTexan Profile in Commenting, click here.)

Some favorites and a refreshingly light helping of duds from Tuesday's commenting.

, in no particular order:

Eddie Murray Sparkles had the juice today, first dropping this clever one-liner in the Wake Up Deadspin post. In the Season Tickets post, this stupendous Catch-22 joke brought the house down. Outstanding work.

All Over But The Sharting delivered this excellent long-form joke in the Luke Rodgers post, to the delight of the crowd. The structure of this joke totally obscures the punchline until the last possible second - that's good hustle.

I really enjoyed this sharp, cleverly-delivered observation from PolkPanther, also in the Luke Rodgers post. The punchline is not necessarily set up in a conventional way, but the conversational tone gives the joke character, and it's really the clever wordplay that carries the humor, anyway.

This is just a simple, wonderfully unpleasant joke, made by WhoDoYouKnowHere, in the ESPN Rug Races post. The crowd loved it.

Bevraj of Choice had a few humdingers on Tuesday. This comment, in the ESPN Rug Races post, was one of the day's best, and later, this deliciously simple joke in the Bobble Head post deserved the applause. Great job.

Also in the ESPN Rug Races post, I enjoyed Hatey McLife's knife-edged Colin Cowherd joke. Let this be a lesson to all other commenters: you can make a good Colin Cowherd joke, you just need something more than "durrhurrr Colin Cowherd sux durrrrr."

Always Winning fired off a winner with this excellent one-liner, also in the ESPN Rug Races post, earning a shower of +1s.

There was another MarkKelsosMigraine sighting, this time in the ESPN Rug Races post. That's an awesome comment, and the crowd went wild.

I laughed at this embarrassingly personal offering from OnTheTwelfthNightOfLloydChristmas in the NBA Classic post. I dig silly, and this comment delivered.

Unstarred commenter StuartScottsEye checked in again today with this goofy rant in the Jet Man post. For his efforts, his comment was promoted.

And finally, a helping of +1s to Eddie Murray Sparkles, Phintastic, EddieSuttons SouthernComfort, DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver, cobra.la.la.la.la.la.la, StuartScottsEye, UweBollocks, Malik Sealy Dirt Mattress, FavreFail, Same Sad Echo, All Over But The Sharting, and Spartacoug for their contributions to yet another funny Val Kilmer thread, this time in the Jet Man post.

Total Fucking Duds

Unstarred commenter 214w is a troll. He is not attempting to be a contributor or a strong commenter. He's a lazy, sarcastic, unoriginal, humorless one-trick-pony moron. This piece-of-shit comment, in the Wake Up Deadspin post, encapsulates the entirety of his catalog of jokes. If there's a single active member of the entire commentariat who deserves to be bludgeoned with the ban-hammer, it's this guy. A glance at his commenting history is massively depressing. Put this brain-dead jackass out of his misery, already.

In the Lacrosse post, unstarred commenter HugeRetardedDuck wasted a perfectly fine joke concept with this clunky, rough-hewn, all-knees-and-elbows effort. That's too bad. Next time, take the extra minute or two and turn that thing into a lean, mean, punchline delivery machine.

Unstarred commenter sir_pantsless struggled today. This effort, in the Luke Rodgers post, lacks a punchline and may or may not even be a joke. Unfortunately, the set-up is so awkward, it's almost impossible to tell. Later, in the Bad Golf Swings post, his joke (which I cannot link to, for whatever reason) starts with an obvious pun and proceeds to a clumsily delivered dig at Asian penises. A joke could probably be made from that, but this one obviously lacks any amount of care in delivery. Once upon a time, sir_pantsless was a featured commenter named sir_pantsalot. It stands to reason he can bring the funny, recent evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

Another unstarred commenter had a rough day: Lenny Dykstra's Roadbeef. This comment, in the ESPN Rug Races post, is not a joke, it's a yucky bros-being-bros amirite fantasy. Make jokes. Save this crap for your internal monologue. He later left a stinker in the Bad Golf Swings post (find it yourself, ingrate), awkwardly referencing an awesome meme.

Bill Simmons fan and unstarred commenter J. L. White accidentally left this ESPN.com comment in the NBA Classic post. That's understandable. For future reference, though, 'round these parts, the rule is be funny, creative, and original.

Just below him, unstarred commenter The_International_Poise_Conspiracy left this lazy photo joke. He's been around long enough to know better. The phrase "very special" is a very flimsy excuse for this comment.

Unstarred doofus CalClutterBuckFutter committed the same sin of lameness in the Wizards post. Fucking photo-jokes. Gah.

ToddReesingsTurfFacial is here again, much to our extreme disappointment, for what simply must be a compulsive need to submit comments at all costs. This thing, in the Wizards post, is way, way beneath a featured commenter, and ToddReesingsTurfFacial, though we have beaten up on him fairly relentlessly, is actually a capable, funny, worthy featured commenter. Once upon a time, as noted here previously, his specific style was esoteric, tortured, and mostly obscure, but it was admirably ambitious. For whatever reason, he doesn't seem to be swinging for the fences these days. This comment was just lazy.

And finally, unstarred commenter dondi203 tried to hide this pile of junk in the Siberian wilderness that is a Dave McKenna post, but our all-seeing turd-radar senses all. No soup for you!

That's it for the duds. It should be noted, however, that I mostly skipped the Funbag today. Drew's posts are a fucking bear. I love to read his stuff, I really do, but the comments section are a weekly depository of the worst commenting Deadspin has to offer.

Okay! Enjoy DUAN, you silly sons of bitches.


  1. Let me know when you're ready for the "Profiles in Commenting - How to Lose Your Star." The Ninja giveth; the Ninja taketh away. Not that you or anyone else didn't see that coming from miles away. I am and may forever be the Barbaro of Deadspin.

    Sustained excellence in commentary is a bitch. Good night, sweet prince.

    My best,


  2. Re: ToddReesingsTurfFacial

    Damn. Sorry to see that. I honestly did not see this coming.

    I suppose you were probably kidding, but I really would want to hear what you have to say about commenting and your particular experience. Email me if you're interested in contributing something.

    Keep commenting. You'll get the bling back if you return to swinging for the fences.