Friday Roundup

Some favorites and a few duds from Friday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

In the Wake Up Deadspin post, I giggled at this John Elway dig from Body By Bacardi. The more I think about it, the funnier it gets. Deadspin is the likeliest place on earth to look for a hysterical Mister Ed reference. Nice job.

Steve_U was in some kind of trance today. This Stevie Wonder joke in the Double Play post was good for a laugh. Next, he left this wonderfully silly joke in the Scottie Pippen post, drawing another round of applause. And finally, he contributed this nice-and-subtle song reference in the Cheerleader Hazing post, earning yet another ovation. This is just a selection of the very best of Steve_U's stuff from Friday - everything he submitted today was excellent.

Also in the Scottie Pippen post, dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese-mac delivered this fantastic use of the word "title", earning a big round of applause. He's another guy who's been less active these days, and that just won't do. More, I say!

Malik Sealy Dirt Mattress cracked me up with this disgusting Jason Whitlock joke in the Cheerleader Hazing post. Awful and terrific.

Same Sad Echo contributed one of the day's funniest comments with this hysterical testimonial in the Horse Herpes post. He's just so damn good at this. This is a special skill.

Also in the Horse Herpes post, I guffawed loudly at this one-liner from UweBollocks. Later, his was one of the few transcendent offerings in the Bob Costas Blurb post. The whole comments section was a riot, but this one stood out for me.

Gamboa Constrictor checked back in today with another sizzling one-liner in the Charles Barkley post, earning a round of +1s. What can I say? He crushes these.

I have to mention the case of Bernie Carbomb, who dropped a deliciously insensitive recontextualization in the Charles Barkley post, a comment that was just waiting to be showered in +1s. I suppose his conscience got the better of him, because he edited it into something else, something perfectly fine but significantly less successful. The original joke is at the bottom of the thread, and it was hilarious.

The other Bob Costas joke that really stood out to me came from our guy Phintastic, earning a huge ovation from the crowd. As I said, this was a good section overall, with a lot of funny, thoughtful contributions. I can't possibly include all the good ones. This and Uwe's offering were my two favorites, and the crowd seemed to agree.

SavetoFavorites cracked me up with this long, outrageous series of quotes in the Pete Rose post. By the time I got to the word "feller", I was already laughing. In that same post, he and Rare Endangered Vuvuzela combined for a very funny back and forth. If it were up to me, that list would have gone on and on. Nice work. Special respect goes to SavetoFavorites for recognizing an opportunity to riff on a comment without stepping on it, and significantly enhancing the joke.

And finally, Eddie Murray Sparkles dropped the first of two nearly back-to-back Charlie Hustle jokes in the Pete Rose post, earning applause from the crowd. Excellent pull.

Total Fucking Duds

Unstarred commenter WTFisJuice made some fair points about MLB rule changes in a place where such arguments have absolutely no business (the Wake Up Deadspin post). Save it for DUAN, homes.

Also in the Wake Up Deadspin post, unstarred commenter Skillet left this thing, which just has zero punchline. He wasn't the only commenter whose mind went naughty at the word "flopping", but this attempt at humor has no payoff. I'm not sure there's a real strong joke to be made with the whole "'flopping' is funny tee hee" idea, but you've got to do more with it than this.

As far as I can tell this comment, from Brando, in the Double Play post, boils down to "The Naked Gun is funny". This is one of those irritating common starting points for lazy reference jokes, like The Simpsons. It leaves me feeling totally flat, and when I break it down a little, I wonder if the offending commenter really thought the reader would laugh at simply understanding the reference. There's nothing particularly witty about drawing a line from the video in the post to The Naked Gun, and I suppose ultimately that's what's missing. That and any amount of interesting set-up.

I can't even begin to imagine what unstarred commenter frrost was thinking when he submitted this comment in the Scottie Pippen post. Am I missing something? Does this video in any way reflect any amount of originality or thought by frrost? For the umpteenth time, I'll offer this advice: make jokes. Be funny. Don't be a courier of funny. Make your own funny.

Also in the Scottie Pippen post, unstarred commenter BoonesFarmHand submitted this, which is not a fucking joke. I refuse to get all worked up tonight about this. New guys - make jokes. Be funny.

Unstarred commenter SuramaAte also failed to make a joke in the Joakim Noah post. Nobody cares how you feel about the "Hollywood as hell" line. Do you hear me? Nobody on earth.

This is at least an attempt at humor, from unstarred commenter Tanfastic, in the Dumb Mets post. It's a horrible joke, though. Porn jokes usually are. When I sit around wondering why a given recontextualization joke has failed miserably, I think about what effect, if any, the punchline has on the italicized section of text. The role of the punchline is to relocate the text, infusing it with fresh humor and a new meaning. When I hate a recontextualization, it's usually because the italicized text is revealed to be just a flimsy excuse for one kind of joke or another or a loosely relevant, tortured reference. This is the former. I know recontextualizations are currently the predominant form of joke on Deadspin, but always remind yourself that the template itself is not funny. The act of recontextualizing something is not inherently funny, nor is porn or sex or poop. A recontextualization joke works when you look back at the italicized text (if the commenter used that particular template), process its new meaning, and suddenly find humor in both that new assembly and the cleverness of the effort.

Unstarred commenter Zapp.Brannigan offered his opinion of Miami in the Miami Fans Video post. I'm sure I don't need to point out why this comment is so out of place. Make jokes, guy.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I really wonder about the intelligence of unstarred commenter phoenix6666 after reading this comment, in the FIFA Guy post. Obviously this comment falls well short of the standards of Deadspin commenting, but beyond that, there's something troubling about the failure to comprehend the post. At any rate, if you're that confused about a post, it's better to just walk away.

I'm not yet a fan of this kind of humor, as demonstrated by unstarred commenter Tark's Towel in the Horse Herpes post. I mean, I suppose it functions as maybe not a joke, but something that at least indicates a kind of humor. At any rate, before I buy into the whole "what if" kind of joke, I'd need to see someone do something really special with it. That might be a fun little challenge for anyone who doesn't mind being featured in the duds section of a third-party blog on a regular basis.

No, probably not.

And finally, unstarred commenter sir_pantsless contributed this one-liner to the Baseball Highlight Video post. It's just a crotchety, cantankerous little quip. It's not a joke, nor is it funny. For a guy who used to be featured, this is pretty fucking poor.

And now, for a quick couple of programming notes:

We've got a Guest Lecture in Commenting coming down the pike pretty soon. Actually, it's been mostly ready for days and days, I just haven't gotten around to putting the finishing touches on it. It's great; you will love it. This particular Guest Lecture deals with a topic I've addressed ad nauseum in our roundups, so I'm looking forward to getting it out there.

Secondly, IronMikeGallego left an idea in a comment over here at MBA not too long ago, and it took hold in my brain. If I learned anything from watching Inception, it's that ideas are like viruses - resilient, highly something-something, and Ellen Page is a distractingly bad actress. At any rate, here it is: I don't do roundups that include weekend comments, pre-Wake Up Deadspin comments, post 5pm-ish comments, and any number of your personal favorite comments. If you feel I've missed a particular humdinger, either yours or something you loved from someone else, shoot it along to me at madbastardsall@gmail.com, and I will put together semi-regular weekend run-downs of all your favorite shit I missed. I think for now it makes sense to leave out the name of the submitting commenter, so you can all load up your own comments like the fragile-ego'ed, attention-starved crybabies I'm not actually saying you are (yes I am). Look for these lists at least once a month, cobbled together and submitted over the weekend.

Hey, enjoy your holiday weekend, kiss a U.S. soldier, and here's to another joyous DUAN.