Friday, November 30, 2012

Friday Roundup

Favorites and maybe a dud or two from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a funny quote from Same Sad Echo in the Daily Screencap post. Clever and silly - what's not to like?

This is a wonderful Tim Tebow joke from Madoffs Mets in the Mario Balotelli post. I just love the change in tone. Later, he contributed this creative comment in the Accidental Email post. That's so, so good. This guy's been on fire the past few days.

How about an old-fashioned recontextualization from some guy called Thatguywhodidthat in the Mario Balotelli post? It's contrived, sure, but it's funny. Shut up.

Here's a sizzling humdinger from Gamboa Constrictor in the Yule Log post. Yowza! That's really terrific. I had no idea where this was going and it took me a minute, but I got there. Later, I enjoyed this clever wordplay joke in the Wildpoeper post. Good stuff.

I enjoyed this goofball dialogue joke from Raysism in the Yule Log post. This joke can go a couple of ways: the punchline can be handed off to a fall-guy, as it is here, or the author can make himself the butt of the joke. Either way can work, but I happen to think the savvy choice is passing it off to "Resident". The post itself gets its value from the stupidity of the 9-1-1 callers (or whatever they have up in Canadialand), so it makes sense to assign them the additional stupidity in the punchline. Also today, he offered his take on a popular joke angle in the Wildpoeper post. As you'll soon see, he was not alone in taking this approach. Even later, Raysism dropped this elegant one-liner in the David Freese Car Accident post, earning a round of applause. What a day!

Here's a simple, clever little one-liner-ish comment from StuartScottsEye in the Yule Log post. Solid pull, unobtrusive delivery, good joke.

RMJ=H scored a winner with this sharp quote joke in the Wildpoeper post. This post featured quite a few strong comments.

This is a similar joke, also in the Wildpoeper post, from HEY NOW! Our guy All Over But The Sharting! How about that? These Wildpoeper jokes are very much alike, and I enjoyed them all. Later, he also contributed this hilarious dig at David Stern in the Bullshit Sanctions post. Check out that thread, by the way. Holy shit. There are some flat-out hysterical entries in there from All Over But The Sharting, IronMikeGallego, Same Sad Echo, and SavetoFavorites. That bit about David Stern jumping to grab the doorknob is maybe the funniest thing I've read in a week. I know I didn't link to it, but you'll find it in the thread, and it is the Comment of the Day.

I have no idea what the hell is going on in this joke, from BronzeHammer in the Wildpoeper post. It's so, so ridiculous. I laughed! Why? It's just so absurd, so off-the-wall. What the hell. Later, he offered this uncomfortable history-lesson-by-recontextualization in the Davie Freese Car Accident. There's a solid pull.

Speaking of absurd, here's an outrageous Robert Frost joke from SavetoFavorites, also in the Wildpoeper post. Only on Deadspin. I daresay any joke that features the word "advocaat" has its foot in the Favorites door. Later, he pulled the very rare two-winners-in-one-post with this and this in the Colin Kaepernick post. My God, those are both terrific. Bravo. Later, he did this in the David Freese Car Accident post, and there is no fucking way I am the only person who loves this joke. That is just fantastic.

Look at this shit! ClintonPortishead, folks. This happened in the Colin Kaepernick post. What a treat! Later, he offered this funny dig at Tim McCarver in the Fat Derek Jeter post. Tim McCarver jokes are always welcome.

Here's the first good Emmitt Smith joke in eons, from Bring Back BJ in the David Freese Car Accident post. That's damn funny. Good work.

This is a great, great movie title pyramid thread in the Fat Derek Jeter post. The Amazing Sneijderman, All Over But The Sharting, I Like Cheap Beer, Raysism, Bring Back Anthony Mason, SheLikesMySizemore, Sgt. Hammerclaw, Mantis Toboggan, M.D., ReverseApeChemist, and many, many more contributed to this fucking thing.

And finally, FINALLY, IronMikeGallego cracked me up with this play on ADD in the Adderall post. I'm surprised this one didn't get a little more attention. I laughed at it.

Total Fucking Duds

If you fucking assholes thing I'm spending one minute of my now-ruined Friday night compiling duds after listing twenty-four goddamn favorites, you've got another thing coming. You motherfuckers.

What a week! What a wonderful, wonderful week. You guys still have it. No, Deadspin is not the same as it was, and it will probably never go back to the pre-Kinja days. But when everyone shows up and makes jokes, it's easy to ignore the incredible volume of shit that gets thrown at the comments sections  throughout the day. I don't think I've ever once had this many Favorites in a single Roundup, and that's really saying something.

Thanks for being genuinely great joke-makers, and have a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Thursday Roundup

A hearty helping of favorites and a few duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

It doesn't matter to me in the slightest that this joke from IronMikeGallego in the Daily Screencap post may feature a sloppy translation. First of all, I don't speak German. Second of all, it's fucking funny. Or, anyway, I laughed at it. 

Along those same lines, here's a hysterical one-liner from Steve U, also in the Daily Screencap post. I don't need to tell anyone reading this that Steve U is one of Deadspin's all-time great commenters. It's such a relief to see him back in action. I laughed out loud at this joke. I don't know how you couldn't. 

Here's a terrific shot at Michael Jordan from Madoffs Mets in the Brad Keselowski post. I love this. Three angles: first, there's the wordplay, presented right at the very end; second, it takes a dig at Jordan's draft resume; and third, it uses the wordplay to imply that Jordan is an idiot. Excellent joke. Later, he dropped this humdinger of a one-liner in the Honey Badger post. That's really a hell of a pull. I suppose that's your Comment of the Day for Thursday. And then there's this towering homerun in the Gregg Popovich post. Goddammit, that is really terrific. Somebody throw a bucket of water on this guy. 

Poignant Theater went dark with this grim Dale Earnhardt joke in the Brad Keselowski post, earning a round of seemingly guilty applause. This joke is a tad clumsy, but the punchline is strong. Good work. 

Here's a silly dig at Ichiro from Gamboa Constrictor in the Hope Solo post. Simple and effective. 

Also in the Hope Solo post, here's a deadpan one-liner from Universal Enveloping Algebra. That's a pretty solid pull, there. 

SavetoFavorites cracked me up with this . . . ahem . . . sharp one-liner in the Paul Pierce post. I'm surprised this one didn't get a little more love. Nice job. Later, SavetoFavorites contributed this funny-as-hell screenplay joke to the Jag Rag post. That's so good. 

Here's snoop-a-loop with a funny quote in the Dangerous Boners post. This joke doesn't have to be a quote, but by assigning the line to Ryan Fitzpatrick, snoop-a-loop adds the feeling of discomfort to the joke, that embarrassment you feel on another's behalf. That's good stuff. 

This is an enormous thread featuring . . . well, everyone, in the Dangerous Boners post. Some very funny entries in there. I do love a good pyramid. 

I laughed aloud at this, from RMJ=H in the NFL Pundit Tracker post. So ridiculous. Am I the only one? I also chuckled at a goddamn Brett Favre/Visanthe Shiancoe dick joke in the Adderall post. Impossible. 

Total Fucking Duds

Some fucking nitwit who goes by aj8138 did this in the Jag Rag post. Hey, dickless, make your own goddamn photoshop. We don't take requests for jokes in the comments, dummy. 

You really have to marvel at the stupidity of this cooppers fella, who went through the trouble of creating a burner commenting account and then used it to do this in the Baylor Uniforms post. When a guy who operates a blog dedicated to chronicling the comments on another blog tells you to get a life, well [gunshot]. 

Hey, what a day today! Finishing the week strong. Keep it up, funnies.

Okay, also, I have no idea what was going on with The Amazing Sneijderman's wildly successful comment in the Hope Solo post. Just know that I tried. Really. Someone, please feel free to embarrass me down below with an explanation. 

Let's have a rip-roarin' DUAN, eh? 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Wednesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting:

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's another innovative screenplay joke, this time from Madoff's Mets in the Daily Screencap post. We seem to have entered the era of dialogue/screenplay jokes. We're seeing every variation of these, with unexpected punchlines. This is really a wonderful joke, this one: that it is a game of HORSE is successfully obscured, and though the punchline seems to be that Kobe is playing against himself, once you know it's a game of HORSE, going back and reading the descriptions of the shot-types is really a lot of fun, no matter who he's playing against.

This is a deeply unpleasant caption joke from Same Sad Echo in the Daily Screencap post. So gross. Also today, Same Sad Echo contributed this godawful wordplay joke in the Grand Canyon University post. This has almost become meta-humor now. Yes, I chuckled at it, but I chuckled at it because I am familiar enough with Same Sad Echo's body of work to guess that he's going for the whole wocka wocka wocka goofball routine. I'm not sure how funny that would be for a casual Deadspin reader, nor am I sure anyone would have paid much attention to this joke had it been made by, say, a burner. There's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, I'm not sure what I'm going on about. Moving on . . .

Raysism cracked me up with this savvy dig at Eric Cantor in the VCU Volleyball post. Fuck that guy. Later, he fired one off at Florida in the Michael Jordan post, earning one hysterical reply from a total fucking moron. And, finally, Raysism turned his snark-beam on Samer Kalaf in the Remington Steele post. Can you believe this guy? The nerve, right!

Many tried to turn this outstanding title change from RMJ=H into a comedy pyramid in the Michael Jordan post, but really, this one stands alone. It's perfect, and you're just not going to find another joke in this vein that stands up to it. Hilarious.

It's hard to know what the hell is going on in this sequence from Mantis Toboggan, M.D. in the Michael Jordan post, but boy is it funny. That fucking reply with the photo is killer. I was pretty well incapacitated by this. The original joke is solid enough, perhaps in the same lame wordplay category as Same Sad Echo's joke above, but the reply . . . I don't know, it's just hysterical. Forgive me. Later, he went with this evil, evil wordplay/reference joke in the Grand Canyon University post. God almighty. That is so, so funny.

Here's your Comment of the Day, from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Michael Jordan post. Nothing more needs to be said about that. It is goddamn perfect.

And finally, here's a terrific thread in the Remington Steele post featuring RMJ=H, Post ApocalypticRecSpecs, The Amazing Sneijderman, Danelorgy, Raysism, and TomSpanks12. Some really funny entries in there.

Total Fucking Duds

Here's some inane crap from a loser called Shamateur in the Dennis Rodman post. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate this kind of "commentary" so much. This might be my least favorite thing about the post-Kinja Deadspin. Hur hur hur AH SHORE DO HATE THAT THANG PEOPLE LIKE hur hur. Take that crap back to ESPN, dummy.

And finally, I present for your consideration the odd, befuddling case of firdboss, a strange and terrible commenter I've been watching with increasing confusion. My inclination is to just link to his profile page and let you determine for yourself just what the fuck is going on with this guy. At times it seems like he's just typing out totally random phrases. As far as I can tell he's never been funny. Is this a ringer? Is it the return of an awful commenter from Deadspin's past, back to haunt us in the age of Kinja? One thing is certain: I hate his stuff.

Good work today, commenters! I left a good number of solid comments out there. If I missed your kick-ass joke today, blame your fellow commenters for posting too goddamn many funny things.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Tuesday Roundup

Some favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a very funny exchange between AMagicianNamedGod and RMJ=H in the Daily Screencap post. The original comment is funny, and RMJ=H's reply is even funnier. I miss this kind of stuff on Deadspin.

Hey! Here's another one! This one is in the Slick Rick post and features Barry Petchesky, David Hume, and SavetoFavorites, and it, too, is a riot. Why didn't this turn into a comedy pyramid?

I chuckled at this dialogue gag from Same Sad Echo in the Lousy Bobcats post. The set-up is funny for being so heavy, and the joke succeeds for dumping a series of awful one-liners on Rick Reilly. The bit at the end is just a fun little cherry on top. I'm not sure how successful the comment would have been had it stopped after Reilly's lousy routine, but, anyway, for me, that's the meat of the joke.

This is probably your Comment of the Day, from Rare Endangered Vuvuzela in the Cold-Shooting Clippers post. It's an extended dig at Nick Young that uses a hard head-fake towards the video to supply misdirection. There have been a lot of dialogue/screenplay jokes on Deadspin the past few days. There's nothing wrong with that - this type of structure lets the commenter use creativity and a big play area to fully work out a particular angle on a joke. A relatively thin or loosely tethered idea can really be strengthened with the longer set-up, and this joke is a good example of how that works. Nick Young played for the Clippers for part of one season, and that might make roping his persona - fertile as it is for humor - into a Clippers one-liner tough to pull off. Nice work.

Here's a charmingly goofy one-liner from PixelPusher in the ACC Lawsuit post. So dumb. There are usually half-a-dozen or more really terrible puns and one-liners in a given day on Deadspin, and I doubt I could lay out what makes this particular terrible pun better and funnier than all the others, but it works. I laughed at this joke.

I enjoyed this funny hip-check from DubaiAtNight in the Danica Patrick post. I'm not sure ol' Danica is fair game on this one, since the objections raised came from her interviewer, but anyway, I laughed at the joke. Awesome.

Here's a smart wordplay joke from cobra, brah! in the Danica Patrick post. Talk about loosely tethered. It's a clever little pull, and I enjoyed it.

Goddammit, I can't fucking believe someone made me laugh at another Brett Favre dick jokeRMJ=H, you son of a bitch. This came in the Super-Drunk Teletubby post. For crying out loud.

Here's a breezy little wordplay gag from Raysism in the Super-Drunk Teletubby post. Because I'm a total fucking moron, I needed more than one try at this one.

Sgt. Hammerclaw cracked me up with this dialogue joke in the Super-Drunk Teletubby post. Terrific rhythm to this joke. I love it.

Here's David Hume being a silly-head in the Hurling post. What's not to like here? I'm surprised this didn't get more love. It's funny from start to finish.

Every once in a while, there's a deadpan one-liner that kicks my ass. This one, from Brodka in the Hurling post, did the job today. These almost never work, but I laughed at this one.

And here's another one, from Nevin Shapiro, American Hero, also in the Hurling post. Read this comment and then go back and watch the video again. It's fucking hilarious.

Total Fucking Duds

No duds today. I mean, there were duds, but I didn't grab any of them. I must be in some kind of wonderful mood. Of course, your funny, funny jokes help quite a bit.

Take 'er easy, folks. Let's get it DUAN.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Monday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

, in no particular order:

Here's a delicious dig at Rex Ryan from SavetoFavorites in the Fireman Ed post. Look at some of those goddamn replies. Crazy.

Same Sad Echo brought this Lincoln joke from out of nowhere in the Jameer Nelson Hesitation post. That's great. It's silly and unexpected and only tethered to the post by the flimsiest of threads, and I enjoyed it.

IronMikeGallego did this in the Miami Stadium post, which is fine, but he also did this, in the T.J. Simers post, and this is fucking fantastic. That's maybe my favorite comment from today. Look at that goddamn joke. Look how he structures the dialogue to obscure the punchline, creating the impression that there's a conversation without actually providing a second party. I was totally surprised by the ending of this comment. Brilliant. I'm shocked this one didn't get more love. In fact, this is the Comment of the Day.

Here's a characteristically strong wordplay joke from Gamboa Constrictor in the DJ World Peace joke. You clever, clever bastard. Nice work.

Here's a quick, light little offering from RMJ=H in the Pee Wee Truck Stick post. It's got a quick, fun change in tone there at the end that really supplies the humor. Good shit.

I recognize that I'm a doofus, but I laughed at this thread featuring DJ Jazzy Jeff Weaver, IronMikeGallego, RMJ=H, and Sgt. Hammerclaw in the ESPN Plagiarism post. What the hell. It's funny.

BronzeHammer went extreme on the silliness with this outrageous comment in the ESPN Plagiarism post, earning a round of applause. Later, he did this, in the T.J. Simers post. As with IronMikeGallego's comments above, this less-celebrated comment was, to me, so much funnier. It's very clever, of course, but it's just so whimsical and charming, and I loved it. Great comment.

Look at this hard-working effort from The Amazing Sneijderman in the ESPN Plagiarism post, which makes use of a recent Facebook hoax. That's good hustle.

Hit Bull Win Steak scored a winner with this cringe-worthy recontextualization in the Wrigley Coyotes post. Ouch. That's funny stuff.

And finally, here's an impressively creative dialogue joke from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the T.J. Simers post. That's a really sharp, funny angle to take at the topic of contrived story lines. Excellent. Here's a +1.

Total Fucking Duds

WitDickman did the whole this-guy-looks-like-that-guy thing with this boring comment in the ESPN Plagiarism post. And this comment got a +1! What the fuck.

And finally, what on earth was Arctic16 thinking with this pile of shit in the Jason Babin post? If you knew it was low-hanging fruit, and felt like it was the kind of joke you'd be ashamed to make, why the hell would you still make it? I will never ever ever understand this. Jesus Christ. Just don't make the fucking joke! As if the goddamn comments aren't already being bombarded constantly by an ever-growing horde of brain-dead jackasses, we've got commenters who deliberately submit comments they know to be crap. For crying out loud. Just go away.

This was a good start to the week! Let's keep it going. That's all I've got for tonight. Happy DUAN.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Wednesday Roundup

Favorites? Duds? Sure! 

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a fantastic rewrite from Same Sad Echo in the Sidney Crosby post. This is Same Sad Echo's wheelhouse, the creative rewrite. He's one of Deadspin's sillier commenters, and rewrites are perfect for silliness. Nice work.

This is a very familiar, well-worn joke-type on Deadspin, such that it will virtually never sneak up on anyone ever again, but I thought Donnie_Iris hit the nail on the head with this dig in the Sidney Crosby post. Sometimes these can be forced, but in this case, it's a pretty sharp pull. Or, anyway, I enjoyed it.

Here's an unexpected shot at Antoine Walker from IronMikeGallego in the 138 Points post. If this had been one of those I haven't seen a [blank] since [blank] jokes, it would have been roughly .00001% as funny. Yes, it's a great pull, but it takes instincts and talent to assemble the right delivery. Good shit.

Here's David Hume being a total silly-goose in Barry's Sham Record piece. Boy, that's some circuitous stuff right there. It's perhaps the most contrived setup to ever make its way into the Favorites. Still, for whatever reason, it's funny. The sheer balls-to-the-wallness of it is impressive, then there's the humor of an elaborate set-up leading to such a lewd, adolescent punchline. Because he's David Hume, I suspect he was going for something along those lines. Anyway, fuck it - I laughed.

Here's a rather guilty laugh, courtesy of Hit Bull Win Steak in the Lakers Bros post. Oof. That is . . . yikes. I did laugh aloud at this. I'm still laughing, actually. But, man.

Ah, this is fucking great, from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Dead Cat post. This is totally a Three Men Walk Into A Bar joke! Wonderful. And the abruptness of the finish . . . delicious. Great comment.

Total Fucking Duds

Fozberry, to his credit, is trying. He makes jokes. All day long, this guy works at being funny. Today, in fact, he had a few solid jokes. This, however, in the Rasheed Wallace post, was not one of them. It is, sad to say, rather brutal. Still, keep working at it.

This TitoFuentesHouseofPancakes guy, on the other hand, stinks. Here's his pile-of-shit rent-a-joke in the Cleveland Browns post. Hey, dipshit, that video sums up exactly bupkis. Make your own goddamn funny.

Listen you sons of bitches, have a great goddamn night and a great Thanksgiving. Eat delicious food, watch too much football, and bask in the love of friends and family. Or, at least grab a case of cheap swill and get plowed. Either way, I love ya.

Peace. Do On.

Tuesday Roundup

An assortment of Favorites and maybe a few duds from today's a day's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

This sequence, from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Latino MVP post, is very funny. You sort of have a sense of where it's headed pretty early on, and that's fine. There's plenty of charm and the idea is strong enough that the joke doesn't require any surprise.

Here's a funny, easy little comment from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Evgeni Malkin post. When I call it easy, I don't mean that it's cheap or lazy or takes the low-hanging fruit; I mean that it possesses that Hume-ish quality of having a very natural delivery, with no obvious tricks or set-up or tortured language. That doesn't necessarily make it funnier, but it does keep the delivery out of the way of the punchline.

Here's your runaway Comment of the Day, from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Chiefs Fan Shooting post. Wonderful. That's a perfect one-liner.

Here's a strong one-liner from TVs_Frank in the Chiefs Fan Shooting post. It might be a bit . . . clunky? Staccato? When you put together your comment, sometime before you hit submit, take a look at the various parts of your joke and see if you can't pare them down to their most direct, elegant form. You may not end up going with that version, but it's a good exercise. If you need a rule of thumb, think of words - and more specifically syllables - as barriers and obstacles your reader has to navigate on the way to your punchline. You need a few of those to define the path, but after a certain point, all you're doing is unnecessarily slowing down and cluttering up the process. It's a good idea for a joke and it's in the right order - it's a good joke. I enjoyed it. This is just food for thought.

On its surface, this joke also might seem a little clunky, but Sgt. Hammerclaw is, in fact, making the most specific version of this joke (in the Danika Patrick post) and it requires a word in there that might interrupt the rhythm a bit. That's okay! It's a balancing act, but sometimes you do sacrifice a bit of style in order to take your joke all the way where you want it to go. Good shit.

Here's a downright skeletal dig at Tim Tebow from RMJ=H in the Balloon Bouquet post. Talk about pairing down your delivery! There's literally not one extra syllable in this joke. That is the most straightforward delivery possible. Which is great! The idea is funny, here's the idea. I wish I could tell you when that works and when that fails, but I can't. All I can say is it works here.

And finally, Raysism earned quite the haul of +1s with this one-liner in the A.J. Barker post. I have to admit, initially I had no idea what was going on here. I needed time with this. Anyone else? Or am I a total jackass?

Total Fucking Duds

This is just a flaming car-wreck, from some guy with the handle FuckFuck in the Colin Kaepernick post. There are so many duds, but this one crosses over into being sort of funny. It's so lost. So, so bad. It's worth a chuckle.

So . . . about last night. I was out, there were things, one thing led to another thing. I prefer to focus less on the fact that I didn't get this Roundup done on time and instead celebrate the fact that I LOVE YOU and I'm here now.

Too late for DUAN?

Monday, November 19, 2012

Monday Roundup

A few favorites and no duds from Monday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I needed a minute with this comment from SavetoFavorites in the Brain Trauma post, but that may be because I have some as-yet-undiscovered brain damage. I'm glad I got there in the end, it's good for a chuckle.

Here's a dig at Tony La Russa from Raysism in the Brad Keselowski post. I really don't want to create a surplus of these, but I am almost always going to laugh at a good Tony La Russa joke. And it's ridiculous, because I have no particular interest in Tony La Russa. I really don't care one way or another about the guy. For whatever reason, Tony La Russa's alcoholism is funny. I can't explain it.

This funny wordplay joke from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Brandon Roy post is good for a chuckle. That's a pretty fucking unexpected pun, right there. I'm dumb enough that I needed three or four tries before I caught on. Good shit.

Here's your Comment of the Day, from IronMikeGallego in the Christmas List post. That's really wonderful. Deadspin is great. These jokes happen in realtime, and there's something genuinely jarring about the possibility that this joke might never have been made if IronMikeGallego hadn't made it right then in that post. If he'd flubbed it or failed to put it together today, there might never have been another circumstance in human history where this joke would have made any sense, and that's . . . yep, I'm insane. That's happened to me, though, where I've thought of what was probably a terrible joke a great joke several days later (that's about how long it takes me to come up with jokes) and known instantly that there would never, literally never be another circumstance in my lifetime when I'd be able to make that joke and have it be relevant. It should come as no surprise, then, that I spend my time stalking your jokes, instead of just fucking making my own. I am a total head-case.

Total Fucking Duds

There were whole threads full of duds today. I just didn't have the strength. No duds! A perfect day!

Rock DUAN.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Friday Roundup

Favorites and duds from Friday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

(Moving quickly)

IronMikeGallego scored a winner with this sharp question in the Chris Kluwe post. Nice.

Here's a silly reference from Bring Back Anthony Mason, also in the Chris Kluwe post.

Eddie Murray Sparkles took a similar angle, but went with a terrific dose of sarcasm for his elegant delivery. Great joke.

Boy, it's great to see Bevraj of Choice back in action. Here's a smart reference in the Tony Parker Crossover post. Later, he offered this funny dig in the Dead Bills Fan post. And finally, he somehow found a fresh angle on a Jerry Sandusky joke in the Suspended Student Athlete post. Impressive.

Also in the Dead Bills Fan post, RMJ=H brought the house down with this awesome misunderstanding. That's great.

Gamboa Constrictor went stupid for this goofball comment, also in the Dead Bills Fan post. Silly and effective.

David Hume wandered afield for this funny reference in the Dead Bills Fan post. Later, this unexpected sequence in the Pick A Number post is good for a hearty laugh.

Here's a confident one-liner from someone named Inspectah_Patio in the Chipper Jones post. Stick around, you.

And finally, here's a terrific shot at A-Rod by FlackJack in the DHF post. I laughed aloud at this.

Total Fucking Duds

Appropriately named jackass shitferbrains did this, which is pathetic and stupid and totally unwelcome, in the Suspended Student Athlete post. Get a fucking life.

I am fucking beat. Bushed. Worn out. It's been a long day at the end of a long week. I'm going to drink beer and watch basketball. You guys had a hell of a week. All week long I left handfuls of solid jokes out of these Roundups. It's been a real pleasure stalking you types as a result, and I look forward to getting right back to it come Monday. Have a rip-roarin' weekend and a perfectly pleasant DUAN.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Thursday Roundup

Favorites and duds from Thursday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Bring Back Anthony Mason cracked me up with this straightforward conspiracy theory joke in the Hope Stevens post. Look at some of those fucking replies. Holy shit. I like this joke because there's no trickery or wordplay. Bring Back Anthony Mason imagined a crazy but not altogether crazy reason why the backup goalkeeper might be celebrating the union of the starting goalkeeper and a frothing maniac, and just laid it out there in plain language, with minimal set-up. It's sort of like getting out of the way of a funny idea, and sometimes that's exactly what's called for.

Here's a great wordplay joke from Raysism in the Hope Stevens post. This joke sort of eschews the traditional punchline-at-the-end format and opts for charm and personality instead. There's a way to give this joke a harder edge by pairing it down, and the suggested name is definitely funny enough to carry the show. But this joke, by going with the whole dopey "it has a certain ring to it" line, gives the author a voice in the comment, and that adds a little extra humor, and that's never a bad thing. Those can be tense moments, trying to zero in on the right delivery and determining, once and for all, whether you've boosted or neutered your punchline by allowing your personal sense of humor to shine through. Later, Raysism took an unexpected angle with this short dialogue joke in the Injury Expectations post. That's damn funny.

Someone called sodboy dropped this sharp caption in the Hope Stevens post, earning a round of applause. Well done! Now spruce up your handle, pick a goddamn avatar, and stick around. That really is a nice pull, and the caption format is appropriate. Good shit.

Here's the original "Our guy", Gamboa Constrictor, with a sharp and funny and perfectly delivered pun in the Bucket O' Piss post. And, sweet Jesus, look at that fucking reply. Good God. If I'd submitted that reply, I would never even visit Deadspin again. Puns and wordplay jokes rely upon that moment of confusion when your brain scrambles to redirect your understanding. Confusion is part of the joke. In this case, it's an extra funny part of the joke, because we get to marvel at the full-blown cognitive failure of the jackass in the replies. Spectacular.

Here's a kick-ass recontextualization from FreemanMcNeil in the Injury Expectations post. There was a time there when recontextualizations were getting a bit out of control. These days, funnily enough, I think I miss them a little. This particular kind of recontextualization is a bit tricky, because the author has to tip his hand a bit in order to work his reference into place. In this case, he had to capitalize a particular word, and if you're paying enough attention, you gain a sense of where the joke is going ahead of time. And that puts a bit more pressure on the punchline to supply the oomph. FreemanMcNeil had the right idea in place, and it brings the whole thing together into a damn funny payoff.

This, from some guy named Phil in the Andrew Bynum post, is hysterical. Just the idea of it is funny. Where are all the +1s, goddammit? I may be an idiot, but I laughed aloud at this.

Sponsored by V8 earned a round of applause for this bitchin' one-liner in the Colin Cowherd post. Outstanding. It pulls an appropriate idiom and a relevant dig at ol' Cowherd into a tight delivery with no unnecessary packaging.

Here's another great one-liner, this one from Dave Algonquin (WWTD?) in the Chamique Holdsclaw post. So good. The specific phrase "anything but a slam dunk" is just letter perfect. Hats off.

Total Fucking Duds

This is an astonishingly awful comment, from some idiot called CLB32 in the Hope Stevens post. The only thing this joke has to say is Dave Chappelle is funny. 

Hit Bull Win Steak said this in the Football Roundtable post. The worst thing about the slippery slope is that Hit Bull Win Steak isn't sliding down it into a vat of boiling oil. This is such an incredibly lame-brained thing to say, the kind of thing even teenagers of above-average intelligence would be embarrassed to post online.

This, from a burner called ReliantGrassField in the Punter Lawsuit post, is probably the least interesting thing ever posted in a Deadspin comment. I find it genuinely mind-boggling that any person on earth would find this kind of thing even remotely interesting in any way. I mean at all. What on earth makes this funny or clever or . . . anything? Astounding.

I really don't know what to say about this, from TheTrippComerExperience, in the Chamique Holdsclaw post. Are they horses because their teeth are visible in the photos? I'm terrified to find out what the actual point of this comment is. I really don't want to know.

And finally, here's an embarrassing and totally misguided non-comment from someone called RobertPooner in the Chamique Holdsclaw post. What is the point of this? YOU'RE NOT HELPING. If you don't have a comment to make, DON'T MAKE A FUCKING COMMENT. The last thing in the world anyone wants to read is you talking about how you don't have anything to say. For crying out loud.

That's it! Take it easy, you big-dicked superheroes. Have a great DUAN.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Wednesday Roundup

A selection of favorites and duds from Wednesday's commenting.

But first, whoever put that tally of Favorites from 2012 in the comments from yesterday's Roundup, please shoot me an email at That's really great, and I think we could maybe do something with it. Let's rap.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Look at this guy! AMagicianNamedGod broke into the Favorites yesterday, and today he acts like he fucking owns the place. First it was this joke, in the Profane T-Shirt post. I like that he lays the misunderstanding out right there at the outset. This turns the joke inward and makes the subsequent two paragraphs, though beautifully written, just excruciating. The finale is a nice crude little reversal, but that brutal embarrassment-by-proxy of the middle section is really where the juice is packed in this joke. Great joke. Later, he used the screenplay format for a roundabout dig at Mike Shanahan's tired old face in the Mike Shanahan post. And then, because why the fuck not, he gave us this funny little sequence in the Russian Drivers post. What a day! This guy cannot miss! There is no way, no way, that such a savvy joke-maker could ever, ever, and I mean ever ever ever, make a bad comment. I hereby insist that the universe will stop immediately if AMagicianNamedGod ever makes a lousy, groan-inducing, preemptive meta-joke. IT CANNOT HAPPEN. Dun dun dun . . .

Here's a dark recontextualization from Dave Algonquin (WWTD?) in the Airballed Layup post. That's just evil. Good shit.

Noted silly-goose Same Sad Echo went back to the idiot trough with this terrible word-association gag in the Russian Drivers post. This joke is tailor-made for one of those "Idiot" +1s. I'm sort of shocked it didn't earn one. I enjoyed this.

This is a damn good screenplay joke from some guy named DougExeter in the Russian Drivers post. I am certain this joke was lost in the dregs for lack of a well-known handle. Fear not, gentle unknown types! There's at least one total fucking loser out here in the wilderness looking for your sizzling jokes! And this is a very funny comment. Nice work.

Here's David Hume being David Hume in the Jordan Crawford post. Terrific. Later, he earned a haul of +1s for this outrageous back-and-forth in the Yahoo Fantasy post. I believe I've said all that can be said about David Hume's wonderful sense of humor and talent for making jokes.

This is absolutely the Comment of the Day, from Raysism in the Christmas List post. Holy fucking shit, that's wonderful. I laughed and laughed at this.

Some guy called KennyMaynegerBabies dropped this excellent line in the Yahoo Fantasy post, and again, I think the joke suffered for bearing an unknown handle. Back in the salad days, there were featured commenters and grey commenters and pink commenters, and featured commenters felt responsible for searching through the pink and grey stuff for quality comments to promote. In fact, featured commenters took a certain amount of pride in having their handle associated with a diamond-in-the-rough promoted comment. Now? Burners have overrun the system and the regulars are mostly just scanning for friendly handles. And it's a shame. Anyway, this is a quality effort and I would have been proud to promote it.

Speaking of burners, some guy called Phintastic earned a round of applause for this terrific multimedia joke in the Jets T-Shirts post. Another commenter had this same idea, but "Phintastic" went the extra step of providing a visual aid. Good stuff. Get a real handle and stick around, Guy Who I Have Never Heard Of Before Today.

And finally, here's a spectacular dig at Jerramy Stevens, from Lionel Osbourne in the Concerned Citizen post. This is great. Lionel Osbourne is a beast. Hang out a bit, won't you?

Total Fucking Duds

Here's a straight-up dreadful, completely irrelevant movie reference from a complete fucking jackass called, of all things, TonyHomo. Lord lord, that's terrible. I guess the joke here is "I've seen The Big Lebowski and it was funny LOL!!!1!1" Which is, you know, not a joke at all.

No, AMagicianNamedGod, don't . . . you can't . . . . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [universe ends]

. . .

For the first time in Mad Bastards All history, a commenter had three Favorites and a Total Fucking Dud in the same day. And not just any dud, a horrible dud. I think we can all raise our glasses to that special feat. Good hustle.

That's all for tonight, sillies. We're back at it tomorrow. Have a delicious DUAN, on me.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Tuesday Roundup

Hey, that's more like it, you motherfuckers!

Favorites and duds from Tuesday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I chuckled this morning at this cultural statement from Same Sad Echo in the Daily Screencap post. This joke can be funny in a couple different ways: first, it can be a recontextualization, suggesting that the photographed gesture really is aimed at (of all things) the rain. Or, it can point inward, making a joke of the author, who wrongheadedly assumes that this is how the impolite address the weather. And then there's the idea that there is a polite way of doing it, and that the polite way is the "rain rain go away" nursery rhyme - there's humor there, too. It's a damn good joke. Also today, Same Sad Echo brought the house down with this big set-up/knockdown joke in the Phil Jackson post. Excellent.

This is just a great combination of clever and silly, from SavetoFavorites in the Daily Screencap post. I'm surprised to see this didn't get a little more love. And here's a tremendous shot at Tiki Barber in the . . . well, the Tiki Barber post. That's just savage. One hopes Tiki and Ronde don't read Deadspin's comments, or they may have a very awkward conversation in front of them. Ouch.

Speaking of awkward, here's a flat-out ridiculous dialogue from Rare Endangered Vuvuzela in the Airport Fight post. As far as I can tell, this dialogue is just an excuse to break out what amounts to an impression of the incoherent vocalizations of a redneck. And somehow, I wound up laughing at it. The movement cues help, I suppose. For whatever reason, dialogue jokes benefit quite a bit from specific non-verbal touches, like [exaggerated hip gesticulation], or even simple ones, like [blinks]. At any rate, this is obviously a goofball comment, and there's nothing wrong with that.

This is a whale of a comment, from RMJ=H in the Airport Fight post. It's a series of misunderstandings, right? Fast-moving and direct, the very picture of elegance. And there's something especially delicious about the use of the word "pirouettes" there at the end. For my money, it's how specifically appropriate the word is - it follows the line of the joke perfectly, one great word that supplies the next step in the evolution of the exchange. When you think about it, "pirouette" is the only choice for that non-verbal stage of the confrontation RMJ=H has put together. And, what's more, because these idiots fought, actually came to blows, presumably there is another misunderstanding that happens after the end of the joke. RMJ=H has created a joke with a penny-drop punchline, and that's just . . . it's fucking wonderful.

Bring Back Anthony Mason earned a reluctant chuckle with this uncomfortable wordplay joke in the Airport Fight post, but his real winner came later, in the Pirates Scout post, with this silly, creative name joke. This is great. Much of the fun of these kinds of jokes is anticipating the punchline and then seeing how nutty and outrageous the final iteration of the gag can be. We expect the names to get more absurd and what we want, as readers, is a big payoff. I'd say an eight-syllable surname satisfies that expectation. Good shit.

This is probably your Comment of the Day, from (who else) David Hume in the Phil Jackson post. It's just so goddamn perfect. It's a simple idea and he left it that way. Of course, he personalized it, turned it into his own confusion, and thereby pointed the joke inward a bit. Hume is a master, the master of that very kind of simple little touch, that easy understated infusion of personality that makes a joke more than a punchline vehicle. I wish I could make jokes that had that same natural breeziness. I really do.

Speaking of naturals and how envious I am of them, Eddie Murray Sparkles dropped this winner of a wordplay one-liner in the Sanderson Photo post. I have no talent for one-liners. None. And he makes it look so fucking easy! It's bullshit. And here's a funnier one, a sharp little dig at the miserable Chiefs in the Eric Berry post. It takes major confidence to stay out of the way of this punchline. With something so simple, mere mortals might have to fight the instinct to dress that thing up. Here Eddie Murray Sparkles leaves it alone and lets the reference do all the work, and it's a goddamn winner.

I'm convinced everyone missed this, from Steve U in the Eric Berry post. It's wonderful! It's a funny little wordplay joke, tightly packaged and delivered with the confidence to leave out the actual pun altogether. And it's funny! The actual suggestion is damn, damn funny. So, Steve U, here's a goddamn +1 for your sharp, fresh take on the whole "horse" thing. As we'll see in a bit, not everyone took a new angle.

I would not have predicted that Brett Favre would turn up in a successful joke in 2012 or 2013, but here it is, from snoop-a-loop in the Eric Berry post. It's a good ol' fashioned zinger, a shot to the sensitive parts, and damn its eyes, it's funny. Good work.

Here's a desperate reach from our guy Raysism in the Big East West post. That's okay, though, because it winds up in a good place, with a funny punchline. And maybe it's not so desperate. But I like to think that part of what makes Raysism so funny is his willingness to go for it and the kind of high-wire act that routine is. It has the effect, at times, of making his jokes seem like a glimpse inside his train of thought, and how his mind always circles around to something funny. In other words, this joke doesn't read as much like a set-up as it might coming from another commenter, because Raysism's body of work gives us a certain context for this joke: this is Raysism's zany and sure-to-be-funny train of thought. And look! Our expectations are satisfied - it is funny.

The Amazing Sneijderman pulled the rug out with this misdirection gag in the Robinson Cano post. We're all familiar with this kind of joke, but it's important to note that this format, done with confidence and in the right order, is well beyond the capabilities of your average Deadspin burner ass-wipe. The fact that it's familiar doesn't hurt the punchline because The Amazing Sneijderman assembles the joke carefully and has a funny, sharp thing to say about a relevant target. Nice work.

Total Fucking Duds

I never saw this coming, from Rock517 in the Eric Berry post. Mind = blown. I never, and I mean never noticed that some people think Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse. Sensational.

Whoa. Wait a minute. I think donlemonrules might have hacked his joke from Rock517. Not cool.

Well, leave it to Deadspin's worst active commenter, Lamont Sanford III, to be third in line with this angle. And look at that fucking bozo in the replies who was beaten to the punchline. Holy fucking shit.

That's it for tonight, friends. Great work today. Believe it or not, I left a handful of solid jokes out of the favorites today. There were a lot of good jokes in today's posts. Let's do it again tomorrow.

Gimme a D! Gimme a U! Gimme an A! Gimme an N!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Monday Roundup

A selection of favorites and duds from Monday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I chuckled at this reference from IronMikeGallego in the Alabama Fan Meltdown post. It's just a funny little pull packaged appropriately. Nice job. It's good to see IronMikeGallego back in action. We demand more!

Steve U earned a round of applause with this crafty dig at ESPN in the $40 Billion post. That's your Comment of the Day, right there.

Here's a simple word-association gag from AMagicianNamedGod, also in the $40 Billion post. This joke may have been lost in the dregs, but I thought it was funny enough. Good work.

BronzeHammer took the whole stupid=good thing way out to the outer extreme with this outrageously goofy joke in the Christian Ponder post. All of it, the pun of the word "play", the detailed list of changes, the conflict with the spouse, all of it exists as an excuse to break out a ridiculous title. Well, not all of it. The technical language also acts as a set-up, creating the expectation that the author is intelligent and passionate about theater, such that when he presents his absurd title, you've been pulled, albeit gently, away from the punchline. This is essentially a self-deprecating joke, and a funny, charming one. Or, anyway, I laughed at it.

Total Fucking Duds

Arsonist of Rubber dropped the worst, most depressing comment of the day in the Alabama Fan Meltdown post. What a fucking shame. I don't suppose there's anything new to say about this kind of shit. We all know there is no way, no fucking way in hell this would have made it under the approval system, and no one on earth would argue that this kind of shit contributes to the discussion or whatever.

This is just your run-of-the-mill rent-a-joke from some jackass called Soloburrito in the Cowboys Ass post. Terrible.

It was a slow day in Deadspin commenting. Here's to a busy Tuesday!

Gooooooo DUAN!

Friday, November 9, 2012

Friday Roundup

Favorites and duds from Friday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's Eddie Murray Sparkles being a silly-goose with an otherwise harmless little bit of text from the Anal Charles post. Very funny.

Poignant Theater had today's Comment of the Day, also in the Anal Charles post. It's a great pull, packaged perfectly. I'm not sure why Poignant Theater decided to include the words "MLB great" - you have to think everyone reading would recognize the last name Hershiser - but I suspect it's timing. The payoff may have been just a bit too abrupt otherwise, so he built in a tiny little delay. That's a great, great joke.

BronzeHammer went goofy with this long effort in the Mike Brown post. It's a pretty elaborate set-up, and it's all pretty much based upon the idea that the phrase "I'm behind my coach 100%" can have more than one meaning. This could very easily be a one-line joke: "I'm behind Mike Brown 100%" proclaimed a smirkingly literal Kobe Bryant as he plunged a steak knife into his unsuspecting coach's brainstem. Holding aside for a moment the fact that I'm a moron and that joke is terrible, by using a more elaborate set-up, BronzeHammer is able to craft, within his narrative, an actual elaborate set-up (teammates working in tandem to pull a familiar prank on an unsuspecting coach). The two elaborate set-ups work together to form a somewhat more sophisticated joke than that godawful abomination I put together above (thank God). I'm the fucking worst.

And finally, here's David Hume with a vicious dig at Roger Goodell in the Fake Injuries post. I particularly enjoy the poetic callback at the start of the second paragraph. The contrast between this style choice and the uncomfortable details of the Goodells' sex lives is a big part of the humor of this joke. I very obviously need to shut up now. It's been a long fucking week.

Total Fucking Duds

HOTMUNCH did this, which is lame, in the T.I. post. I don't care if it's racist or not (it's not) or even if HOTMUNCH believes it's racist or not (he probably doesn't). I'm just so tired of reading this lazy, boring, totally worn out way of broaching the subject. There were worse things on Deadspin today (the whole AHL Racist Jerseys post comments section, for instance), but this is still pretty fucking annoying.

And that's all the shit that's fit for print. Hey, have a great weekend, yous. Go join your fellow Smart Alecs in DUAN, won't you?

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Thursday Roundup

A few favorites and duds from Thursdays commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I chuckled at this winner from Same Sad Echo in the Jeremy Roenick post. Another commenter took a  hack at this same idea, but Same Sad Echo's is much more creative and doesn't stop at assigning a known personality to the Twitter troll. Nice work.

Universal Enveloping Algebra earned a few +1s for this simple caption joke in the Poor Pistons post. There are a couple angles at play here: first, UEA draws a familiar reference into the joke based upon something he sees in the photo. We think, "oh look at that, there really is some of that at play". That's not really unlike any other reference, be it a Simpsons quote or a photo or a dreaded YouTube clip: this reminds me of that. But the picture doesn't perfectly fit the reference with which we're all so familiar, and so he has to rewrite it to fit the circumstances. And like any good jokester, he uses it as an opportunity to impart fresh humor into this thing. In this case, a perfectly elegant, totally absurd literal interpretation of the stance of the third player. The very idea that such a saying could ever exist is, itself, funny, and I laughed aloud when I read it. It's still funny, in fact, all these hours later.

Here's a simple, hilarious dig at Charlie Villanueva from Sponsored by V8 in the Poor Pistons post. One-liners, as I've probably said a bunch of times, are difficult, and they're difficult for a couple of reasons. First of all, in the context of Deadspin commenting, they're tough because, look, everyone's doin' 'em. They're practically the Official Joke of Deadspin Commenters. And that means that every standard structure has been well worn by now. When you use one, most of us can project the trajectory of your joke within the first, what, four words? And that can sap a lot of the humor right out of your comment. And they're also hard because they absolutely rely upon an economy of words or even syllables and, in most cases, letter-perfect structure. A few too many syllables, a tricky or awkward or clumsy sequence of vowels or consonants, and just like that a very good idea becomes another flat, punchless, forgettable little blurt. Ultimately, what I'm saying is this: there are very few Deadspin commenters who can build their repertoire out of mostly one-liners, and Sponsored by V8 is one of those guys. He has a special talent for one-liners, and that puts him in rare company.

Madoff's Mets, on the other hand, is someone who I think does his best work when he gives his jokes a little room to play. Like his goofy retorts to Marv's HATE posts on The Balog, his best jokes stretch out and layer on funny ideas and mini-punchlines and generally rely upon his talent for constructing personality with words. Now, this particular joke, in the Rajon Rondo post, is actually very much like a one-liner, but it could have been a one-liner, and instead Madoff's Mets worked it into a dialogue joke, one of a couple he put together today. For some commenters, just that little extra bit of space puts them more inside their comfort zone.

Will Raysism understand when I say he happens to do stupid very well? You know what I mean. This joke, in the Rajon Rondo post, earned one of those "Idiot" +1s, and those are great. Great. Because sometimes, when you read a comment, you laugh at both the punchline and the cheesiness of the joke. And it's fun! And I tend to think we all know when we're making that kind of joke, and we're all secretly hoping we get one of those "Idiot" +1s. And, well, this one earned it.

This is also one of those stupid jokes, from snoop-a-loop in the Magazine Contest post. It's a goofy little observation that has its goofiness magnified by a construct as ridiculous as the Oxymoronomatic 3000. Well worth a chuckle. Good work. Idiot.

Total Fucking Duds

HollywoodTom did this in the Movember post. I guess we're doing these again. Someone fucking shoot me. There was a lot of really, really bad commenting today.

And here's more of the same, from SonofSanfordandSon, also in the Movember post. And look at that! A total fucking moron decided it was "classic". No, really, shoot me to death.

Here's this fucking guy, Lamont Sanford, III, long an abysmal commenter, doing what he does, which is stink up the comments, this time in the Jeremy Roenick post. There used to be a time when I could beat up a terrible commenter for a couple of weeks knowing full well the ninjas were on their way. Now? We might be stuck with this lousy butt-head for the foreseeable future.

Hey, so I'm a bit late tonight. I've been preparing my cabinet for four more years in the White House. These are busy times!

It's probably a bit late for DUAN. Yes? No? Yes-No?

Have a great night.