(For dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese-mac's Guest Lecture on Commenting, click here. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to discuss how you too can submit content to Mad Bastards All.)
Many favorites and more than a few duds from Friday's commenting.
Favorites, in no particular order:
Eddie Murray Sparkles starts us off today with this hilarious shot at the Bears draft room in the Bears/Ravens Trade post. The crowd went wild for this one.
Vodkanaut shared an outrageously funny thread with Same Sad Echo in the Soccer Toddler post. That's great stuff. Same Sad Echo's original comment was terrific enough without Vodkanaut's sensational riff. This killed me.
Same Sad Echo contributed two other favorites on Friday; first, this, a funny, silly, long-form comment in the Frank McCourt post, and then this, a reference to an earlier Deadspin post, in the Pomp & Circumstance post. His particular brand of commenting relies heavily on silliness, which is a wonderful, necessary counterbalance to the more-common cynical dryness of much of Deadspin commenting.
dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese-mac contributed this ingenious little joke to the Soccer Toddler post, earning a round of applause. That's a terrific pull.
I really enjoyed this offering from Walk Off HBP, also in the Soccer Toddler post. What can I say? I was in the mood for silly today, and this brought the silly. Nice job.
Along those same lines, I really cracked up at this goofball comment from Tulos_Mullet in the Derek Lowe post. Fucking DJ Jazzy Jeff jokes. I'm not sure where this meme started, but as of now, I still love it.
Steve_U had a handful of humdingers on Friday. My favorites were this, the finest, funniest Swedish Chef joke ever made, from the Swedish Keeper post, and this, a delicious respelling in the Paul Shirley post. Swedish Chef jokes will get you very far with me, O Steve. My singeing telegram should be at your door any minute now.
Phintastic's notion of a Pat O'Brien story corner cracked me up, and the comment was structured nicely, as well. This one came from the mostly horrific wasteland that was the comment section of the Drunken Hookup Failure post. Nice work.
In the Mick Foley post, Gamboa Constrictor constructed another wonderful, slickly delivered one-liner. Keep 'em coming.
A giant +1 goes out to Uwe Bollocks, IronMikeGallego, Landycakeboss, Eddie Murray Sparkles, SavetoFavorites, and Polk Panther, for their contributions to a hilarious, day-brightening thread in the Year of the Pitcher post. I loved this.
IronMikeGallego also contributed this simple, excellent offering to the Frank McCourt post. For me, that was the best use of the "Bud" line in the entire post.
Infrequent commenter Bernie Carbomb contributed this outstanding E.E. Cummings joke to the Frank McCourt post. That's an impressively sharp, sewn-up comment, and I loved it.
In the NFL Lockout post, Carmen McFanzone's simple contribution drew an audible snort. Like I said, I was buying silly today.
Also in the NFL Lockout post, All Over But The Sharting's dig at Albert Haynesworth earned a round of applause. I laughed aloud at this one, too.
In the Arrogant Email post, I really enjoyed Tom Gugliatta's Delicious Frittatas's sarcastic observation. He found a dimwitted goof in the email and delivered his joke with a specific snotty sarcasm that, for whatever reason, worked.
Also in the Arrogant Email post, Cyrus_the_virus chipped in a sharp, subtle one-liner, to the delight of his fellow commenters. Great pull.
One more from the Arrogant Email post: unstarred commenter Raysism confidently delivered a clever observation, earning a promotion and a round of applause from an appreciative crowd. Nice work.
And finally, Uwe Bollocks dropped this awesome joke in the Vancouver Columnist post, earning applause from the crowd. I really loved this one.
Total Fucking Duds
There were a lot of bad comments today. A million. The Arrogant Email post and the Drunken Hookup Failure posts were like horrible comment magnets. At some point, I stopped counting. Look, a while back, I said I was going to cut down on the Duds and instead focus on the specific qualities of a Dud, but in the past few days, it's been a fucking parade of Duds. If you made the Duds list below, your comment was crap. And, if you commented in the Arrogant Email post or the Drunken Hookup Failure post and your comment was either a) not promoted, b) promoted, c) featured, d) +1ed, or e) not +1ed, there's at least an 85% chance your comment was absolutely fucking terrible. The unstarred comments in those posts were jaw-droppingly, brain-meltingly atrocious.
Moving quickly (again) . . .
A Duck With a Lisp contributed any number of bad comments today. This one, from the Derek Lowe post, is a good example. Try much, much harder.
Also in the Derek Lowe post, salisburysdatingcoach contributed this non-joke, drawing the ire of the comment_ninja. Make jokes.
Deadspin troll billikenmetz threw this wretched junk into the Derek Lowe post. I'm watching this guy. Reading his commenting history is a sad, dismal journey into a deep, dark place.
Unstarred commenter stillion1 dropped this worthless, shuttledik-like piece of crap in the Drunken Hookup Failure post. Apparently I had not yet given up on the DHF comment section when I came across this flaming turd.
Unstarred commenter qtip20 had absolutely no business dropping this junk anywhere ever, let alone in a Deadspin comment section. Terrible.
Carmen McFanzone was a courier of absurdity with this comment, in the Frank McCourt post. It's a funny quote, but it's not joke-making. Make jokes. Be original.
This . . . unstarred guy whiskerbrisket . . . Frank McCourt . . . [head explodes]
And finally, in what way is this comment, from kiddicus_maximus, different from just typing out [lyrics to Total Eclipse of the Heart]? And if he'd done that, would it have been funny? Would it, in fact, have been funnier?
Nah, it still would have been lousy.
Hey, have a great weekend. And enjoy yourself a rowdy DUAN.