Monday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I chuckled at this Tim Tebow dig from RMJ=H in the Tree Tackling post. I'm going to guess there was  at least one dismissed reply about the names in this joke, right?

Surely this was deserving of more than one +1, from Same Sad Echo in the Jay Glazer post. I thought it was very funny.

Here's a great Idiot joke from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Trindon Holliday post. Whether it's intended to be dumb or not, it works that way because it sort of presents a misunderstanding. Ultimately, we're laughing because Bring Back Anthony Mason is wrong in a way that is funny.

This is sort of a more classic example of an Idiot joke, from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Trindon Holliday post. It also presents a misunderstanding as the punchline, but the author is much more explicitly the butt of the joke. Good stuff.

Here's a masterful pun from pun master Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Lonesome George story. Terrific. This is your Comment of the Day.

Total Fucking Duds

See that it is the last time, jacobmrley. Do us all a favor.

Holy shit, look at these comments. Man oh man. I can't remember ever seeing so many bad comments in a single post.

That's it! Enjoy your New Year's Eve festivities, and here's to a roaring 2013.

Programming Note

Hi! So, MBA won't return this week. It's been a very busy Christmas and I'm in recovery mode and there's just no way. No way.

We'll have a full schedule of Roundups and Swinging Dicks starting Monday the 31st.

One other quick programming note, while we're here: I will not be doing Roundups on Friday, January 11th, nor on Monday, January 14th, and there will be no Swinging Dicks on the 12th. If anyone wants to jump in and write a couple of guest Roundups and a Swinging Dicks piece on those dates, shoot me an email at madbastardsall@gmail.com. I will be at the world's most obnoxious conference that weekend and hating every goddamn minute.

Thanks for reading! Continue to have the best holiday season imaginable. 

The Week in Review, etc.

As always, awards first.

Last Week's Swinging Dicks

In a tie for third place, co-winners of two bags of garbage and a crate of recyclables I forgot to take out to the curb two weekends ago: Bevraj of Choice and Madoffs Mets, with 2 Favorites in the past five days.

Here's my favorite Bevraj of Choice comment from last week. Very sharp and very funny.

And here's my favorite Madoffs Mets comment from last week. That's not very nice, buddy.

In a massive five-way clusterfuck of mediocrity tie for second place, co-winners of two more bags of garbage and a crate and a paper sack of recyclables I forgot to take out to the curb last weekend: Eddie Murray Sparkles, DougExeter, Raysism, RMJ=H, and SavetoFavorites, with 3 Favorites each in the past five days.

This is my favorite Eddie Murray Sparkles comment from last week. It's a great one-liner.

Here's my favorite DougExeter comment from last week. Another dynamite one-liner.

Here's my favorite Raysism comment from last week. Follow the RMJ=H reply thread at your own peril.

Speaking of RMJ=H, here's my favorite of his comments from last week. Terrific. This was a tough choice.

And here's my favorite SavetoFavorites comment from last week. Leave it to SavetoFavorites to squeeze something fresh out of a well-worn angle.

And alone in first place, winner of my undying affection and loyalty and also if he wants them two bags of garbage, a crate of recyclables, and two giant broken-down cardboard boxes I forgot to take out to the curb on Friday: Gamboa Constrictor, with 4 Favorites in the past five days.

Here's my favorite Gamboa Constrictor comment from last week. Idiot. +1

I expect this massive pile of garbage and recycling to be gone from the side of my home before Christmas Day or there will be hell to pay.

Also!

The Monday Comment of the Day, from Universal Enveloping Algebra.

The Tuesday Comment of the Day, from Gamboa Constrictor.

The Wednesday Comment of the Day, from gogojuice.

The Thursday Comment of the Day, from Gamboa Constrictor.

The Friday Comment of the Day, from BronzeHammer.

The Unwelcome Lesson of the Week

So, a while back a weird guy had this wild idea for a story:

Like, there's this guy, and he lives with his folks, and it's, like, it's this shitty little place. Plus his sister lives there. And like this dude's job straight sucks and his parents are totally like whatever like total losers. The sister's cool enough, and homeboy figures it's on him to send her off to school. 

Then one day he wakes up and HE'S TOTALLY LIKE THE FLY! Yeah, like he's THE. FLY. And he eats rotten garbage and crawls all over the walls and hides under furniture and all that, and it's totally gross and everyone hates him and wishes he were dead. Except the sister. She's still like chill about the whole thing. Mostly. Whatever. 

Gross, right? And like he loses his job or whatever and everyone's all freaked out and stuff and then like he terrorizes all their guests until finally he DIES. Whoa, right?

In my twelfth grade English class, there was a total bro who was more or less convinced that this was everything there is to The Metamorphosis. To him, it was just some dude's gnarly horror story about gross bugs, only it was stupid and didn't have enough guns or tits. And an astonishing conversation took hold over the course of days and days as more and more bros and bro-ettes went over to the dark side: maybe he's right? Maybe Franz Kafka was just a lousy horror writer and this story is about nothing more than some gross shit happening and everyone's all scared and then it kinda peters out and that's it. And the point poor, soft-spoken, desperately overmatched Mr. Hummel tried in vain to make was this: why does that matter? Why should that make the remotest difference to how we read and interpret the novel? Hopeless. After two days of more-or-less non-stop debate, the class decided there was no metaphor, no symbolism, nothing to interpret or understand. The Metamorphosis was Pumpkinhead only without the gore and tits. To me this was madness, but then, I think I'm the only person from that class who is not now a wealthy, successful, productive citizen.

The question is this: does it matter? Is The Metamorphosis less important if it wasn't intended as allegory? Does the content lose its relevance? What if we don't know? What if we can't know?

I bring this up because we had a great conversation about gogojuice's Comment of the Day from Wednesday, about why it was different from other, similar jokes, and whether those differences were intended or incidental. Nobody was wrong in this discussion, but it's worth considering: if the joke makes you laugh for one reason or another, should it matter whether the author of the joke knowingly created that angle? That's positioned as a yes or no question, but there's certainly plenty of room for discussion.

I'm sure we've all done the thing where we craft a joke and laugh at it and make it or post it and know it's funny but aren't totally sure why or how it functions until later. This is important to remember because I've often made the point that laughter is the result of a process and that jokes are a mechanism. In other words, when you know the joke is funny before you know why, that's because the mechanism is working on your sense of humor without your permission. Did gogojuice know why his joke was funnier than other, similar jokes? Maybe not. But he likely thought it was pretty funny, and the important part is this: he was right. It is funny. I know because I laughed.

Merry Christmas, Deadspin commenters. And a wonderful, wonderful 2013. Rock on.

Friday Roundup

Favorites and duds from the last day of human history.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a rather dark joke in the Daily Screencap post from Raysism. This stuff doesn't always work. If the joke relies too heavily upon the oof of the reference, it will not usually draw a laugh. The reference needs to be dressed up with creativity, and that's what Raysism did here.

SavetoFavorites dropped this excellent Craig Sager joke in the Daily Screencap post. We talked before about comments that have something to say about the content of a post, but it's important to point out that there are some posts that aren't themselves saying anything. These posts practically beg to be taken apart for random joke fodder, and this is one of those posts.

Here's today's Comment of the Day, from BronzeHammer in the Amare Stoudemire post. Frankly, the line [bounds down stairs] is, alone, worth the award. The whole joke is great, with the whole The Gift of the Magi thing going on, but what a firecracker of a finish. Terrific.

And finally, here's a wonderful Bobcats dig from Gamboa Constrictor in the Amare Stoudemire post. So good. Jokes that poke fun at the incompetency of Michael Jordan's Bobcats are always welcome here. I laughed aloud at this joke.

Total Fucking Duds

One dud tonight. I mean, there were dozens of duds, but I'm only including this one. I'm not too sure what the fuck's going on in this comment, from Don_Jeter in the Kris Humphries post, but it's dreadful. No part of it works for me. Not the photo, not the stupid tequila snobbery - look at me ah know mah tequiler!1! - and especially not the generalization at the end. Just thick-skulled and desperately boring. I miss the good old days when this kind of crap, and the incredibly uninteresting conversation that followed, would have been stuck in grey land. Ah well.

Hey, assholes, no starting the weekend early! Too busy buying Christmas gifts for all your imaginary friends to drop jokes on a sports blog? You shitty punks need to get your priorities in order.

Hey, have an especially enjoyable weekend. I can't promise I'll have Roundups for Monday or Tuesday, but we'll definitely be back at it next week.

Thanks for reading, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etc. You guys are great.

Thursday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a nice dig at Houstonians from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Reliant Stadium post. I have no real reason to suspect that this is a fair characterization of Houstonians, but I think the joke is funny because it aligns with a common stereotype. It's almost funnier if it's not rooted in truth, if it's just the mean-spirited use of this popular misconception. I can't explain it, but I like it.

Here's a nice spin on the horse=glue theme from SavetoFavorites in the Painting Racehorse post. There's still quite a lot of juice in this angle, but as we'll see, that doesn't mean you can just throw it out there. Also, here's a funny dig at The World Wide Leader in the ESPN Drones post.

There are a one or two really funny entries in this thread, from the Painting Racehorse post, featuring PexsPodiatryst, SavetoFavorites, cobra, brah!, Danelorgy, The Amazing Sneijderman, Cianfrocco's Modern Life, econdave, ScottMitchellReport, and others. It's worth checking out.

DougExeter earned a round of applause with this excellent offering in the Suzy Favor Hamilton post. Jesus, just look at that goddamn reply. Unreal. Later, he also dropped this awesome one-liner in the ESPN Drones post. That's a fantastic joke. Nice work today.

This is just a desperately stupid Idiot joke from Gamboa Constrictor in the Suzy Favor Hamilton post. The setup is totally over the top, but that's sort of what makes it so fun. Not everyone can get away with this shit, I'll admit. This joke from a burner would be met with a chorus of crickets and a passing tumbleweed. It's not as unfair as it might seem, though. We've become familiar with this commenter's voice and we know what he's going for, and we're therefore more easily able to connect with the humor in the joke. And, on a day that was light on humdingers, this a-here joke is your Comment of the Day.

Total Fucking Duds

Random bonehead NotoriousD.G.S. went back to the fetid well of Sarah Jessica Parker jokes in the Painting Racehorse post, to no one's surprise or enjoyment. You stink, pal.

Possible jackass V8-bit has seen a movie once, and took the time in the Painting Racehorse post to let everyone know about it. Thanks!

Consider this sad-trombone offering from ScottMitchellReport in the Painting Racehorse post against the SavetoFavorites joke above. Both jokes take the horse=glue angle, but one employs subtlety . . . no, one turns on subtlety, whereas the other one features a picture of a bottle of glue. This is a well-worn angle, you really can't be clumsy when you use it.

Aaaaaaaand here comes the migraine.

Hey, whaddya say. Have a great night. Shalt thou DUAN?

Wednesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from Wednesday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I laughed at this Jared Allen joke from RMJ=H in the Christian Ponder post. The reference is a misdirection set-up. Jared Allen is a good target for caricaturization, but the Vikings connection to Ponder really isn't enough, alone, to justify going there. So? Work in a funny reference point that gets us there. Nice work.

Here's a funny one-liner from Kid Canada in the 7-Year-Old Tap Out post. Yes, it's evil, but it's damn funny, too. I'm a little surprised this one didn't get a bit more attention.

This scene from Same Sad Echo in the Kenneth Faried post just killed me. The whole thing is fantastic, but it's a testament to the stupidity of my sense of humor that I was already laughing by the time I read the words "Towel Heaven". That's really fucking funny. Here's a late +1.

Here's a solid thread in the Gregg Zaun post featuring The Sock of Ages, TheCarlosRuizSpanishEnglishDictionary, Pink Slime, Rare Endangered Vuvuzela, ScottMitchellReport, J. Henry Waugh, and others. There are a handful of surprisingly funny entries in there.

This comment from Mantis Toboggan, M.D. in the FJM Oral History post is a riot. It's a very funny, fairly accurate take on Fire Joe Morgan's style with a surprise ending. Really great.

I don't know, guys. I think this might be the Comment of the Day, from a burner called gogojuice in the Original Basketball Rules post. That's really goddamn funny. Yes. Yes. It is the Comment of the Day. A burner.

Total Fucking Duds

TOO SOON!1!

This is possibly the worst comment found on Deadspin all week, from LOUD-NOISES in the Kenneth Faried post. That is just fucking brutal. There's nothing right about this. LOUD-NOISES is an atrocious commenter, one of the very worst.

I hate this stuff so much. SO MUCH. You can't possibly expect that anyone gives a shit how you feel about baseball. It's not your fucking diary, dip-shit. God almighty.

DEADSPIN POLL: Is "douche bag" the best insult EVER or [gunshot]

Shoot me.

No really. Just do it.

Fine. I'll do it myself.

That's it! I can't stand any more! Just kidding, you guys are great.

Let's have a wonderful DUAN.

Tuesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a funny thread in the Jim Boeheim post featuring Same Sad Echo, Raysism, Gamboa Constrictor, Universal Enveloping Algebra, The Amazing Sneijderman, ScottMitchellReport, and others. Several funny entries in there.

I enjoyed this funny, unexpected Laurie Fine joke in the Jim Boeheim post from Bevraj of Choice. I like this. Essentially this is a one-liner. I like to think about the different versions of this joke that ran through the author's mind before he settled on this particular version, featuring a one-word premise and the rest of the joke presented as a question. I would be a mess trying to hit on the best version of this joke, and maybe Bevraj of Choice was too, but it can't be a coincidence that certain commenters always find the best version.

Here's an idiot joke that just yanks the laugh right out of you, from Gamboa Constrictor in the Cow Truck Rollover post. It's funny enough, actually, without the all-caps and the exclamation points, but those touches definitely put it over the top. It goes from a lukewarm punchline to an idiot joke, and it's just funnier that way. Later, Gamboa dropped today's Comment of the Day with this painful dig in the Mark Sanchez post. Oof. COTY!1!

There are a couple of winning entries in this thread from the Cow Truck Rollover post, featuring LionelHutz, Danelorgy, Classic example of our failed educational system, ClawedLemieux, and others. Worth checking out.

Here's a kick-ass one-liner from Raysism in the Cow Truck Rollover post. Excellent pull, minimal set-up. Good stuff. Also, the success of this troll-bait comment in the 4Chan Winners post is absolutely mind-boggling. Instead of attracting a bunch of angry idiot burners, Raysism got in-kind replies from the usual suspects, and the angry idiot burners came to his defense! Unbelievable. I'm grinding my teeth about the replies, but I can't deny how hilarious the whole discussion is.

Here's a funny dialogue joke from Madoffs Mets in the Jets Quarterback Change post. This joke has a nice abrupt finish that accentuates the awkwardness of the scene. Nice job.

Ah, here's a very funny lesson from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Packers Fan Photobomb post. I know I keep coming back to this, but the guys who do this well have a special talent. The punchline does not require the line about yelling "fire" in a theater, but the addition of it ensures the audience will read the "cheese" line as common sense. On top of helping the rhythm of the joke and giving it a certain personality, it also causes the reader to sort of mentally thumb through our common-sense brain-bank, if even for a millionth of a second. If the joke said "you just don't yell "cheese" at Lambeau", it's too straightforward and has less than half as much to say about Green Bay fans. Terrific joke.

In that same post, I laughed at this dig from Theodore Donald Kerabatsos. It relies on the picture without too overtly making its point, and the conversational tone is wonderful. You'd expect nothing less.

This is so stupid, from DougExeter in the Raanan Katz post. Stupid and funny. Or, anyway, I chuckled at it. Sue me.

Total Fucking Duds

This fucking guy. There's just no way Lamont Sanford, III thinks of himself as a good commenter, right? I mean, at best he's a troll. No one is as consistently annoying as this shit-for-brains jackass. I groan as soon as I see his name atop any comment, and he never disappoints.

Fresh! Funny! Take a bow, MikeVsays.

Oh wait. Talk about low-hanging fruit.

What in God's name is this thing, from EnduroDoug in the 4Chan Winners post. What . . . what the fuck. Jesus fucking Christ.

While we're talking about dreadful, dreadful commenters, here's . . . God this is depressing. Fuck.

That's it for tonight, you clever, clever men. Have a great one.

DUAN!