The Week in Review, Plus Things

Awards now, and later, some babbling. What could be better?

Last Week's Swinging Dicks

In a tie for Third Place, co-winners of the anchors I forgot to use when installing a towel-rod in my bathroom: Steve U and Bronze Hammer, with 6 Favorites in the past five days.

This is my favorite Steve U joke from last week. As a commenter pointed out on Thursday, it's all about the juxtaposition.

Here's my favorite BronzeHammer joke from last week. So full of charm and personality.

In Second Place, winner of two small piles of drywall dust that accumulated while drilling what ought to have been anchored holes for a towel-rod in my bathroom: Raysism, with 7 Favorites in the past five days.

And here's my favorite Raysism joke from last week. Who doesn't love a good caption joke? Nobody, that's who.

And in First Place, exclusive winner of the actual towel-rod that easily tore away from the wall the first time someone yanked a towel from it: SavetoFavorites, with 8 Favorites in the past five days. Take a bow!

Here's my favorite SavetoFavorites joke from last week. This is one of several moonshot homeruns from SavetoFavorites this week. It's an incredible joke, and it just nosed out the absurd sequence from Friday in the Misfit Knicks post.

Don't Forget These!

The Monday Comment of the Day, from SavetoFavorites.

The Tuesday Comment of the Day, from Steve U. 

The Wednesday Comment of the Day, from RMJ=H.

The Thursday Comment of the Day, from Lionel Osbourne.

The Friday Comment of the Day, from Malik Sealy Dirt Mattress.

Congratulations, funny, funny people.

The Unwelcome Lesson of the Week

This man is a schmuck.

His name is Robert Parker Jr. and he is the principle reason why all wine sold in America tastes the same.

Mr. Parker likes soft, palatable red wine that tastes like oak. I also like soft, palatable red wine that tastes like oak, and first among many differences between the two of us is that I am a wine noob. It's safe for me to assume that any red wine Mr. Parker likes I will also like, because though he is a professional wine drinker guy and I am just some guy who likes to drink the occasional glass of wine, we like the same red wine. The problem, of course, is that he's a professional wine drinker guy. A prominent one. The prominent one. Mr. Parker has been applying his simple 100 point system to wine rating for so long it has become the measurement of wine quality. When Mr. Parker says a wine is good, it becomes dogma. This is a problem because many grapes are not supposed to taste long and mellow and oaky. And many winemakers are forced to decide between making a wine with the genuine characteristics of their land and their grape and their methods and the expression of their winemaker, or with the best chance of scoring a 93 on Mr. Parker's 100 point scale. You'd hate to be the guy who made the truest [navigates to Wikipedia] Nebbiolo ever, expressing his terroir (I'm pretty sure that's a small, yappy dog), and with 5% [back to Wikipedia] Cabernet Franc for his own personal touch, and get zapped with an 81 by Mr. Parker. That's a wine that won't sell for shit.

I'm not sure how much of this is Mr. Parker's fault. At some point he thought, "Hey, I like writing about stuff and I like wine, and I'm going to do both." Years later, we've got homogenized reds with no end in sight. I hope somewhere along the way, though, Mr. Parker had at least one cold-sweat sleepless night, one of those My God what have I done? crises that ought to afflict anyone who exerts influence over the creative efforts of dedicated artisans. Because he doesn't air out his I'm-not-worthiness, there are people like me who will call him a schmuck. What's he supposed to do, hang himself? He likes wine, he likes writing about it, people like reading him, people trust his system. Is he a schmuck, after all?

Probably.

At any rate, look: I'm just a guy. I like jokes, I like thinking about them, I like writing about them, some of you like reading about yourselves them, some of you need immediate psychiatric assistance trust my taste in jokes. That's all fine and good. On the other hand, I sincerely hope I'm not discouraging any of you from stepping way out with your own brand of humor. I sincerely hope you're not shelving a tricky pun in favor of a goofball dialogue joke. I sincerely hope you're not favoring silly over clever (or doing the opposite) because I of all people am influencing your process. I'm just some guy. That would be a fucking crime.

As with all performance art, joke-makers play to their audience. Deadspin works that way, of course, but I don't want to be fucking Genghis Khan sitting on a throne in the back of the auditorium, exerting undue influence over your choices. I'm just one guy in the audience. And so I hereby invite you to strenuously disagree with my Favorites and Duds. If you don't want to publicly dismiss another commenter's work, by all means email me the very moment you think I've included a cheap or easy joke, or if you think I've too heavily favored a particular joke type over others, or if there are any other ways you think I or other commenters suck. I will make a sincere effort to work all such feedback into future posts. This would be best done anonymously, but not in the form of Anonymous or Guy Who comments down below. I will protect your anonymity if you email me directly at madbastardsall@gmail.com. And I will try to find a way to address your concerns in full view of whoever reads this blasted thing to begin with.

Have a great weekend, everyone. We're back in action come Monday.

Friday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a rather random bit of silliness from Raysism in the Daily Screencap post. I made it all the way to "bring a fish friend" before I had the first clue what was going on with this joke. And? I laughed.

Apparently just about any John Madden material is enough to make a joke about Pat Summerall. This joke, from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Daily Screencap post, gets much of its humor from the excellent caricaturization of Madden and Gruden. The Summerall death is just very funny icing. The choice of the phrase "kicks the bucket" is so good.

This is a wonderful dig at Philip Rivers from Same Sad Echo in the Child Labor post. Boy that's good. As with The Amazing Sneijderman's joke above, the snotty-teen act is spot on and very funny, but in this case, the joke ends with a humdinger of a punchline. Terrific.

Here's a great thread in the Redskins for Feds Trade post, featuring Danelorgy, SavetoFavorites, David Hume, BronzeHammer, Same Sad Echo, and others. A handful of winners in there.

Malik Sealy Dirt Mattress dropped today's Comment of the Day in the Redskins for Feds Trade post. And, like clockwork, you've got some thick-skulled ass-hat nominating it for Comment of the Year. This is a great comment - a great comment - and I'm not saying it couldn't be thought of as one of the year's best, what, 20 comments? 25? 30? That makes it a great comment. But lets be real here. In 2012, there were probably no fewer than 150 genuine show-stopper comments. Maybe this is one of them, maybe not. But I am instantly suspicious of anyone who reads a comment today and says it's the year's best today. That's crazy! You've got a catalogue of all the year's best comments in front of you? You, Mr. Anonymous Random Commenter who contributes terrible comments and snarky replies? You? I warned you this shit makes me crazy. This rant will just get worse next time.

Here's a simple, strong one-liner from fatleaveher in the Adam Schefter post. This is a very good joke, and I was glad to see it, because I'm a fan of fatleaveher and he's been all over the place lately. This is the kind of stuff he's capable of contributing. Keep it up!

I really enjoyed this audible from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Prison! Prison! post. I particularly admire the way the punchline kind of dissolves. You're expecting the action part of this joke to use football language and a game sequence to say something funny about Republicans, but it doesn't, it collapses and reverts to being just a criticism. And that's very funny. It's a joke with a certain neurosis.

Here's a funny look into an awkward personal moment from Rare Endangered Vuvuzela in the Prison! Prison! post. Sex jokes generally do well when they stay on the subtle side. And if I may again go off on a tangent here, I really grind my teeth whenever someone does the whole "you win the internets" thing. What the fuck does that mean? +1 is a nice, quiet way of applauding a joke. Ha! or Yes! or You're the goddamn man may I inhale your mighty manhood?, these replies mean something. You win the interwebsLOL is just obnoxious internet gibberish.

Also, good joke!

SavetoFavorites cracked me up with this completely ridiculous sequence in the Misfit Knicks post. It goes silly early and just gets progressively more absurd. So great. And look at that fucking reply. Jesus. Kudos to SavetoFavorites for taking it easy on that turkey. Later, I also laughed at this somewhat simpler sequence in the Chad Henne post. This has become something of a joke type on Deadspin, the take-a-non-sports-action-and-assign-it-an-undesirable-sports-consequence joke. I'm a big fan.

David Hume earned a huge round of applause for a funny dig at the old Knicks in the Lakers Movie Night post. That's a crowd pleaser. Nice job. And, my God, look at that fucking reply. That's maybe the worst reply since the last time I said something was the worst reply ever. Holy fucking shit. That is some ghastly shit right there.

Here's a great Mike Francesa joke in the . . . um, Mike Francesa post from Gamboa Constrictor. So simple, so smart, so funny. Perfect delivery.

This is just totally ridiculous, from BronzeHammer in the Auburn Tattoo post. BronzeHammer has been doing these intensely awkward personal testimonials lately, and they're very funny. Also, quite the back-and-forth grew out of this and is also worth checking out.

Here's a whopper of a dark joke from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Lions Calendar post. Hoo-boy. Great reference and great wordplay. And so, so evil.

And finally, here's another dark joke, this time from cobra, brah! in the Ray Lewis post. That's terrific. And lo! Another incredibly terrible reply. Hey, dipshit, nobody cares that you don't get it. In what way does that revelation contribute anything?

Total Fucking Duds

Oh God just go away you fucking moron. Back to Yahoo, yahoo. /nailed it

Dur hur in other news I'm a big fat idiot and some other stuff dur hur. Signed [nobody cares].

This is just an astonishingly terrible joke from some preadolescent shrimp-dicked clown called micfiend1906 in the Awesome Dunk post. Yowza. That joke is too dumb for ESPN.com, too dumb even for YouTube. This joke is somehow less interesting than a "your mama" joke, and that's . . . well it's something.

Great week, everyone! We'll have another week in review deal tomorrow along with another unwelcome sermon on commenting. Have a great weekend, and let's get back at it come Monday.

And now for DUAN!

Thursday Roundup

A few favorite Favorites and . . . yeah, there probably won't be any duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I enjoyed this abrupt dialogue/screenplay joke from snoop-a-loop in the Daily Screencap post. It's just a funny way of calling Eric Crouch a loser, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

So, I'm a little drunk, and even in the best of times I'm a moron, but I love this stuff, from Same Sad Echo in the Alley-Oop post. He's making fun of himself, and he's doing it in as silly a fashion as possible. I laughed aloud at this.

Here's a kick-ass plagiarism joke from Lionel Osbourne in the Lynn Hoppes post. That's a great reference. This is your Comment of the Day.

Also in the Lynn Hoppes post, here's a smart, funny comment from StuartScottsEye. The packaging is successful, but that's a whale of a pull. The reference itself is so good. Great joke.

I laughed at this dig from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Lynn Hoppes post. We've covered this kind of joke before: it presents a false premise as a way of shoehorning in an appropriate idiom. And it's great.

And here's a funny caption from ClintonPortishead in the Roger Goodell post. Simple and effective.

Here's a hysterical sequence from SavetoFavorites in the Hookers post. If you don't laugh at this, I don't know what to tell you. That's so, so funny.

Also in the Hookers post, this entry from Steve U is a goddamn riot. No knockdown here. This joke shows its cards early on and just layers on the funny. Great stuff.

By far the funniest part of this joke from David Hume in the Hookers post is the notion that Roger Goodell has a "well-documented history" of murdering hookers. Laying it out there as a given is just really fucking funny. Later, David Hume did this in Barry's Pelican Defense post, earning a huge round of applause. That's really a wonderful comment.

That's it! Have a great . . . ah . . . morning! To hell with DUAN!

Wednesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from Wednesday's commenting. 

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a very funny lyric joke from SavetoFavorites in the Daily Screencap post. Look how it circles back at the end. So witty. And there's even something funny about the slash, although I'm not sure I can explain that one. I laughed aloud at this joke.

It's rare that you see a genuine kick-ass "Idiot" joke, but here's one, from RMJ=H in the Mark Sanchez post. This is great. Of course, it's a pretty solid pull, but that alone would not be enough to carry the joke. RMJ=H does a great job hiding the punchline, and the delivery packs the kind of silliness that turns a joke from clever to funny. Awesome work. I'm making this the Comment of the Day. Fight me, burners.

I really enjoyed this goofy caption joke from Raysism in the Bob Costas: Shill post. It's just so, so ridiculous. It's impossible to not laugh at the photo after reading this comment.

This is a sharp wordplay gag from ReverseApeChemist in the Robin Yount post. You know, this joke probably doesn't need the italicized part. It's probably a tighter, more elegant package as just a one-liner. Still, it's a strong reference and the one-liner portion of it is just perfect. Great job.

Here's an outstanding thread in the Jay Wright Rumor post, featuring Mantis Toboggan, M.D., Sgt. Hammerclaw, Raysism, RMJ=H, BronzeHammer, All Over But The Sharting, I Like Cheap Beer, Hit Bull Win Steak, J. Henry Waugh, ScottMitchellReport, and several others. +1s all around.

This burst of originality deserves a mention, from BronzeHammer in the Gay Joey Barton post. It's different and creative and has more than a couple funny lines in there. Good work.

Here's a very good one-liner from a burner called TorredeOro in the 2004 Olympics post. That's quite the haul of +1s. Ditch the burner account and stick around.

And here's another excellent one-liner from a burner, this one called BradJohnsonsHead in the Bret Bielema post. At the risk of sounding like a complete snob, it makes me a little crazy when burners and randos post things like "COTY" and "DHOF" and "Best Deadspin comment EVAR!1!one" I can't offer any solid justification for this feeling. Sometimes, there are jokes that should be nominated as the best of the day or the week or the month, and every once in a blue moon there might be a comment so great, so surpassingly wonderful, that you immediately think of it as THE best comment in memory. This is a very good comment, but it is not remotely a COTY-level comment. It's a strong, funny one-liner, and that's it. That's nothing to be ashamed of. But it seems like every time a comment gets eight or ten +1s, some random goofball will jump in with the whole COTY thing, and . . . I don't know. It makes me crazy.

Total Fucking Duds

No duds tonight. I don't have the energy.

It turns out attempting to be more selective about the Favorites is, itself, a big huge pain in the ass. I saved some time tonight by skipping some great jokes, but without any sort of firm criteria for what makes a Favorite, I'm left to consider things like, "yes, I like this joke, but do I love this joke?" Which is dumb.

Anyway, I left quite a few very good comments out there. It's fair to say this Roundup contains my favorite Favorites from Wednesday. We'll see how long this new approach lasts. The issue, of course, is that Roundups with 20+ Favorites take, seriously, hours to put together. It's pathetic.

Hey, have a great night, everyone.

Too late for DUAN?

Tuesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorties, in no particular order:

Here's an extended dig at Eli Manning's intelligence from Erg in the Daily Screencap post. No elaborate set-up, no knockdown punchline, just a really funny internal monologue with one hilarious movement cue. Great job.

SavetoFavorites cracked me up with this plot-twist dialogue joke in the Daily Screencap post. I'm still chuckling about it. Later, he dropped this . . . I don't know what to call this. Just know that I stand in awe of it. Incredible.

Here's a gruesome dialogue joke from Madoffs Mets in the Daily Screencap post. For anyone who doubts the shift we're seeing towards dialogue/screendplay jokes, consider that this is one of four jokes that use some elements of that structure in the Daily Screencap post alone. Later, Madoffs Mets applied the mechanics of a recontextualization to a plain-language delivery in the Purple Sombrero post, earning a handful of +1s. And even later, I chuckled at this silly sequence in the Spitting Cardinals post. And, because why not, here's yet another winner, this one in the Braylon Edwards post. That's a knockout one-liner. Great job.

Here's a silly infographic from Raysism in the Public Funding post. Later, Raysism went with this tight one-liner in the Browns Call-In Show post. Simple, sharp, and effective. And here's a great reference in the Jovan Belcher Gun Collection post. What a pull. Great joke.

Hey, look at this! This is a balls-to-the-wall set-up for a funny enough pun from none other than UweBollocks, in the Browns Call-In Show post. That's damn exciting. Let's keep bringing back the big guns.

I laughed at this recontextualization/comprehension-failure joke from BronzeHammer in the Purple Sombrero post. That's a nice, intuitive delivery. Good shit. Also, here's a disturbing day-in-the-life joke in the Spitting Cardinals post. That's hilarious.

And here's a great little pun from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Purple Sombrero post. Jesus, take a look at the comments in that post. That's a who's who of great commenters. It goes twelve jokes deep from starred commenters before you get to your first burner comment. That's how it ought to be. This is how shitty burners and [what we used to call] pink commenters will learn what we do.

This is a great thread, in the Israeli Basketball Suspension post. It features IronMikeGallego, Eddie Murray Sparkles, BronzeHammer, Natrone Means Business, DinoRadjaBell, and others. There are at least three flat-out perfect entries in this thread.

Bevraj of Choice contributed this terrific pull in the Mark Sanchez post, earning a round of applause. That's such a smart joke. This isn't the kind of comment you could just recite in a room full of people or read aloud to someone in your office, unless you happen to know a lot of people who've committed Braylon Edwards's jersey number to memory. It makes use of the photo as a reference point, which saves Bevraj of Choice from having to incorporate a lot of clumsy information in his set-up.

Here's Steve U with a killer one-liner in the Mark Sanchez post. This is your Comment of the Day. It's just a perfect, perfect joke. Later, Steve U went silly with this lyric joke in the Flashing, Molesting Georgia Fan post. So funny. There's a hysterical reply in there from SavetoFavorites, too.

I love this kind of comment, seen here from Mantis Toboggan, M.D. in the Mashed Potatoes post. This is just an opportunity to put some funny words and ideas together, with the punchline pointed inward. This is an actual joke-type on Deadspin, and there are a few guys who break it out from time to time. I think of them as the silly crowd. Anyway, here's a +1.

Gamboa Constrictor gave this one-liner a conversational delivery in the Flashing, Molesting Georgia Fan post, earning a huge round of applause. It's just a quick, uncomplicated idea with an appropriate delivery. Nice job. Later, I laughed at this dig in the Rodman Tattoo post.

For whatever reason, I laughed aloud at this goofy one-liner from TheCarlosRuizSpanishEnglishDictionary in the Flashing, Molesting Georgia Fan post. He was pretty close on a few other comments today, but this one drew an honest laugh. Here's a +1.

Here's something simple and stupid and funny from Same Sad Echo in the Spitting Cardinals post. What the hell. It yanked the laugh right out of me.

And here's a funny sequence from, of all things, a burner called TotalFuckingHomer in the Spitting Cardinals post. Great job. Now ditch the burner account, get a real avatar, and start commenting like you mean it.

ReverseApeChemist got in on the act with this grim one-liner in the Braylon Edwards post. Yowza. I'm surprised there weren't any too-sooners attacking this joke. I certainly enjoyed it.

This shot at Wisconsinites from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Bret Bielema post is good for a laugh. This joke has that evil, delicious element of picking on a target in no position to defend itself. Poverty jokes about North Korea, fat jokes about Wisconsin, short jokes about David Stern . . . it's funnier to pick on the vulnerable. I can't explain it.

Here's a smart, patient dig from Sponsored by V8 in the Christian Ponder post. This is really great. The presentation is subtle enough that you don't necessarily notice you're being set-up for a punchline.

And finally, what the hell, I chuckled at this one-liner from The Bunnyman in the Christian Ponder post. It's a sharp dig and it's built the right way. Nice job.

Total Fucking Duds

This is just trolling. God I miss the ninjas and the approval system.

And this is beneath terrible, from some total jackass called DannyAnarchy. I hate this crap.

Oh for Christ's sake.

Okay, so, obviously this is getting ridiculous. That's 28 Favorites from 18 different commenters and a thread. There's no way I can keep up at that rate. I'm going to have to raise the bar somewhat going forward. This Roundup took me a really, really long time. I do need to spend at least some of my day doing, you know, something other that writing a roundup of internet comments. I mean, I skipped a lot of good comments today.

Here's to a fun, active DUAN.

Monday Roundup

Favorites and maybe, maybe a dud or two from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Holy shit this is a great comment, from SavetoFavorites in the Daily Screencap post. It's interesting that the picture adds to the joke - the comment could just as easily be made by just attributing the speech to Clint Eastwood, or even just not attributing the speech and relying upon our ability to recognize it. But the picture of ol' Clint is, well, funnier. I'm making this the Comment of the Day. Later, in the Buttfumble Jersey post, SavetoFavorites utilized a different structure for the old description-switcheroo joke. That's great.

Here's a funny shot at Jim Schwartz from Madoffs Mets in the Daily Screencap post. Madoffs Mets is an excellent commenter. I have no idea who he is nor how long he's been around nor what other handles he may have previously used, but he seemed to distinguish himself during the very rough just-before-Powwow-through-version-after-version-of-Kinja period. Very impressive. From the very depths of darkness, you might say.

So many awesome comments today. Check out this humdinger from our guy Same Sad Echo in he Buttfumble Jersey post. Man is that great. No set-up/knockdown action here, just a great idea packaged in plain language.

Here's a goofball lyric joke from IronMikeGallego in the Buttfumble Jersey. Yes, it's on the "Idiot" spectrum, but you don't have to be familiar with the author's work to appreciate the solid pull and creativity. It would be funny whoever posted it.

Here's a characteristically sharp dig from Bevraj of Choice in the Buttfumble Jersey post. Bevraj of Choice is part of that small group of commenters with a genuine talent for tight wordplay jokes. Everyone pulls one from time to time, but there aren't many who can do it again and again. Later, he offered this zig-zagging fat joke in the Obese Fan post. Awesome. And even later, here's a kick-ass reference in the 21,000 Teddy Bears post. Look at that fucking reply, for Christ's sake.

This is a funny, imaginative offering from Talib's Rap Sheet in the Buttfumble Jersey post. This joke has a great finish. Everything after the word "Buttfumble" in this comment is just terrific.

Here's a killer one-liner from cobra, brah! in the Obese Fan post. More than anything, that's a really terrific pull. Great job.

Also in the Obese Fan post, I laughed at this comment from Universal Enveloping Algebra. It's just so ridiculous. I'm still chuckling about it. Also, here's a great effort in the Peter King Haiku post.

Here's a fantastic diabetes pun from Steve U, also in the Obese Fan post. So good. It's a pun positioned as a misunderstanding. Also, here's a joke for readers of a certain age in the Fridge and Coffeemaker post. I laughed. And later, he dropped this winner in the Peter King Haiku post.

I also enjoyed this italicized offering from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Obese Fan post. It's a very strange joke, but the odd David Lynch-like nature of it is what cracks me up. Also, here's a funny dialogue joke in the Mike Tyson post. Good shit.

This is a hysterical fat joke, from Raysism in the Obese Fan post. I suppose we should all feel ashamed that we break out our best stuff at the expense of fat and/or short and/or poor and/or dead people. Ah well. Also, here's Raysism's best effort in the Peter King Haiku post.

This is hilarious, from BronzeHammer in the 21,000 Teddy Bears post. Sometimes good jokes go unnoticed. Sometimes they don't resonate quite the way we hope. Sometimes you die laughing while writing up a joke and then you get two +1s from a couple of burners. This can be especially excruciating when it's a long shoot-the-moon kind of joke, but don't let that discourage you! It's always a bigger chance to write three paragraphs of silliness than it is to pump out a one-liner. Keep 'em coming. Later, BronzeHammer dropped this sizzling one-word comment in the Dead Ref post, earning a haul of +1s. Nice.

Danelorgy is back with this funny Hideki Matsui joke in the A-Rod Surgery post. Simple, breezy humor. Good joke.

So, All Over But The Sharting sort of slayed the Peter King Haiku thread. Here are three - one, two, three winners from that post. That first one is fucking deadly.

Here's an excellent sequence from RMJ=H in the Mike Tyson post. It's another silly, creative dialogue joke. These just keep getting better and better.

Here's a funny thread with many commenters in the Charlie Batch post. Enjoy!

Bring Back Anthony Mason cracked me up with this Bobby Fischer joke in the ESPN Twitter Predictions post. Random and hilarious.

Total Fucking Duds

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!

Also, my God, someone throw this TRT-X guy down a well. I really can't stand him. I know the days of be funny are long gone, but for crying out loud.

That's it! Good night.

DUANY DUAN DUAN.

The Week in Review and Stuff

Let's start with some awards, shall we? Why the fuck not? If all you care about is which commenters are awesome, awesomer, and awesomest, digest the following and have a lovely weekend. We're going to try to pump these out from now on, one per weekend:

Last Week's Swinging Dicks

In Third Place, winner of the mostly-empty can of Spot Shot I used to clean dog puke out of my rug: Same Sad Echo, with 5 Favorites in the last five days.

Here's my favorite Same Sad Echo joke from last week. It's just a perfect "Idiot" joke.

In a tie for Second Place, and co-winners of a collection of ancient Better Homes and Gardens magazines I discovered under my coffee table while cleaning dog puke out of my rug: RMJ=H and Madoffs Mets, with 6 Favorites each in the last five days.

This is my favorite RMJ=H joke from last week. This is a very simple idea, executed beautifully.

And here's my favorite Madoffs Mets joke from last week. That's a wonderfully sharp one-liner.

And in a tie for First Place, proud co-winners of the actual dog puke contained in a carefully maintained handful of paper towels: Raysism and SavetoFavorites, with 7 Favorites each in the last five days. 

This is my favorite Raysism joke from last week. It's not an "Idiot" joke because it effectively shifts the stupidity where it will have the greatest impact.

Here's my favorite SavetoFavorites joke from last week. Not one single +1! Not one! Unbelievable.

Also, these!

Here's your Monday Comment of the Day, from IronMikeGallego.

Here's your Tuesday Comment of the Day, from Rare Endangered Vuvuzela.

Here's your Wednesday Comment of the Day, from Eddie Murray Sparkles.

Here's your Thursday Comment of the Day, from Madoffs Mets.

And here's your Friday Comment of the Day, from All Over But The Sharting.

Congratulations, all you funny sons of bitches. Keep it coming.

The Unwelcome Lesson of the Week

So, it's 1926. Babe Ruth promises sick little Johnny Sylvester a homerun in Game 4 of the World Series. Johnny, stirred to action, summons the energy to attend the game, snagging a seat in the bleachers in center. The Babe steps to the plate and crushes one high and deep. The crowd rises, little Johnny among them, as the ball soars beyond the outfield wall. The Babe is nearing first as the ball finishes its descent into the stands, crashes into Johnny's forehead, knocks his eyes out, and kills him dead as can be.

That's a joke, and a terrible one. But let's pretend it's not so terrible. Let's pretend it was made by one of the funny commenters listed above.

The sequence above never actually took place. The Babe signed a ball and sent it to Johnny with a message that he'd hit him a homerun on Wednesday. The Babe did, in fact, hit a homerun in Game 4 of the 1926 World Series. Johnny Sylvester was lying in a hospital bed when it happened. Happily, no eyeballs were splayed.

The awful joke above is presented to you as an example of irony. One definition of irony is this: incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result. I like this definition because boy does it sound a lot like Kant's explanation that laughter arises "when a tense expectation is transformed into nothing". I like to think of jokes and humor along these lines: jokes are mechanical, they are an instrument, they have components, and those components have functions. The job of a joke is to produce laughter. Laughter is also mechanical, it happens when tension is created and then suddenly relieved. We don't laugh because we make an intellectual evaluation of the merits of a joke, we laugh because the joke drags it out of us. Mechanical.

Irony and tragedy are not mutually exclusive. One does not preclude the other. Romeo and Juliet is the simplest example: this play turns on irony, irony is its device. And it is a tragedy. Romeo tragically offs himself in one of the great moments of irony (and dramatic irony) in literary history.

In our stupid joke above, a boy dies horribly, and it is ironic. Had the joke been made by a better joker, it would also be funny. Death and irony and funny, all in the same ridiculous sequence.

Tragedy to humor by way of irony. Only a couple of very short leaps from one to the other. The similar mechanics of irony and humor give humor an avenue to tragedy.

And even if that weren't the case, hey, we all process things differently, from different distances to the event, with our own unique emotional makeup, and at our own pace. Even if we all agree that death is sad (we probably do, now that Hatey McLife has left our midst), we will not all process that sadness the same way. It is not for me to tell you that you are too sad about x horrible event, nor is it for you to tell me that I am not sad enough about it. Right?

I'll let you smart, funny people apply that as you will to today's awful news about Jovan Belcher and the shit-storm that arose when a few great commenters made excellent jokes too near that news. I happen to think there's no such thing as "too soon". I think the very notion of "too soon" implies that there's some kind of agreed-upon black-out period on death jokes, which is absurd and wrong. And I think we'd all agree that anyone who says we can never make jokes about tragedies or deaths is wrong and insane. And I think a person who takes what ought to be a personal desire to avoid jokes about a recently deceased person and imposes it on a bunch of other people is a sanctimonious fascist.

So, hey, cut that out!

Hey, thanks for reading. Enjoy your football tomorrow. Let's get back to pointing and laughing at the recently deceased on Monday.