Monday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a smart little one-liner from RMJ=H in the Allen Iverson post. COTY!!1! Seriously, look at some of the overreactions in the replies. He'll be here all week, folks!

I chuckled at this quick pull from DougExeter in the Raw Sewage post. Nice job. Also, I chuckled at this dumb and adorable comment in the Tree-Climbing Bear post. I'm not sure it's worth a whole internet, but it's pretty good.

Here's a smart joke from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Kerry Rhodes post. Excellent.

Here's a terrific pull from BronzeHammer in the Steve Gleason post. That's great.

Total Fucking Duds

Here's something boring and uninspired from current-events-savvy jackass Smoak on the Water in the Phil Mickelson post. This is not even a little bit better than saying durr hurr YOU SAID CHOKE!

Slow day today. Here's to a busy Tuesday.

Enjoy your evening, you. YOU. Yes, you.

Friday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Moving quickly now . . .

This is great, from Mantis Toboggan, M.D. in the JaVale McGee post. This is at least the second hysterical JaVale McGee joke made by Mantis Toboggan, M.D. Keep 'em coming!

Here's a rather bizarre joke in that same post from BronzeHammer. I laughed.

I chuckled at this straightforward, by-the-numbers joke from Derrick_Roses_Are_Free in the Carl Pettersson post. That is such a familiar delivery, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't work.

This is just ridiculous, from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Jesus Dildo post. This yanked the laugh out of me, and I'm still not sure why.

It's really the terribleness of this joke from Bevraj of Choice that makes it so funny, in the Jesus Dildo post. For crying out loud.

I giggled quite a bit while reading this comment from SavetoFavorites in the Gael Monfils post. I really love this stuff.

For whatever reason, this was the funniest thing I read today, from Raysism in the Human Trafficking post. I'm still chuckling.

And, finally, here's a smart little one-liner from darinh in the Human Trafficking post. This alcoholic loner is a pretty good commenter.

Total Fucking Duds

Here's an excruciating miss from DownhillSherpa in the JaVale McGee post. Oof.

And here's an astonishingly lame one-liner from Fozberry in the Carl Pettersson post. Whoever promoted this thing should have their genitals mangled by a groundhog.

So there you have it. Have a great, great weekend, and thanks for an awesome week full of very good jokes.

Thursday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's an outstanding Henny Youngman-like joke from Bevraj of Choice in the Patriots Stars post. Almost no one can pull this kind of thing off. You need a punchline strong enough to stand up on its own, and you need to absolutely nail the tone. Great, great joke. Very well done. And later, here's a funny line in the DVR post. Yuck.

I chuckled at this dialogue joke from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Patriots Stars post. It's a fairly simple punchline, and the author doesn't add a whole lot of character with the dialogue structure, but the elongated set-up gives him a way to present his punchline without torturing the shit out of a more elegant delivery. Some angles cannot be fit into a shorter joke.

Here's a dig at a hoc-key player from BurnerWilliams2 in the Jaromir Jagr post. I get it! Ha ha! That's really great. [shifty eyes]

This is rather ingenious, from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Clemson Rock post. I needed a minute or two, but I got there. It's really fantastic.

Here's a funny little gag from DougExeter in the DVR post. I am so slow. I had to read this like four times to put it together. And it has seven words! God help me.

Here's a sharp one-liner-ish joke from Mantis Toboggan, M.D. in the Pete Carroll post. This is one of those broad-appeal joke that works with regulars because it's smart and well-made and satisfies boneheads because FUCK PETE CARROLL MAN or FUCK REGGIE BUSH MAN or FUCKIN' FOOTBALL HELL YEAH I GET IT. Anyway, good joke. Well done.

Here's a joke I'm going to include because !!!

And here's another joke I'm going to include because !!!

I enjoyed this dig at Patrick Ewing from Poignant Theater in the Patrick Ewing post. Smart and succinct and well-constructed.

Here's a great offering from cobra, brah! in the Cougar post. More like this, buddy. More like this.

And finally, here's a guilty pleasure joke from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Steelers Subsidy post. Wringing the very last few drops from that particular angle. I wouldn't want to be the next guy approaching that trough.


Total Fucking Duds

As if!

So, I gave Raysism the business for his Jason Whitlock joke in the Tournament today. I should say, though, that all of you competing in that thing deserve a big ol' pat on the back. Standing out as a Deadspin commenter is hard enough without a mandate that you must comment on a particular post. No one (since ToddReesingsTurfFacial) comments on every post. Most commenters take a pass when they don't have something, and in this tournament you have no choice but to participate, and there's even a time limit.

So, though I very strongly disliked both jokes, I sincerely appreciate the guts and talent of everyone participating.

Now, no one else better make any goddamn Whitlock jokes.

Have a fucking fantastic evening.

Wednesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a dynamite one-liner from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Lionel Messi post from this morning. I can't be the only guy who pictures The Amazing Sneijderman as a blond bespectacled northern European intellectual, owing entirely to a clumsy and misinformed preconception of what people named Sneijder must all look like. And later, here's a hilarious sequence from the Schwab Fired post. Those Nordic types are so sharp.

Keeping with that theme, here's another strong one-liner in that same post from darinh, who I have managed to assume is an unkempt alcoholic, with all the attending stereotypical physical characteristics, in much the same way I have visualized virtually all commenters who regularly neglect proper capitalization and punctuation. I also thought this joke in the Goodell Letter post was hilarious. Obviously, darinh knows a thing or two about not being sober.

Here's a funny photoshop job in the Drew on TV post from someone named The_Green_Smile, who I am currently picturing with an abnormally and alarmingly elongated head.

Here's an excellent bit of misdirection from stern-faced Gregory Peck lookalike Steve U in the NFL Gay Pride T-Shirts post. And here's a spectacular one-liner in the MLB-In-Australia post. That's just fantastic. And finally, here's an outstanding, elegant little jab in the Schwab Fired post. Now please tell us how we must never shoot a mockingbird.

Here's a hilarious shot at CNN from Eddie Murray Sparkles that apparently flew right over the head of Tim Burke in the Puerto Rican League Fight post. This joke deserved more attention. And Eddie Murray Sparkles of course looks exactly like his avatar. Later, he cracked me up with this terrific one-liner in the Tennis Channel post. Wonderful.

Here's a long, fun offering from the disgusting, horrifying Rare Endangered Vuvuzela in the Tennis Channel post. This terrific joke provides its own little story arc and a tidy premise/set-up/punchline delivery. And Rare Endangered Vuvuzela looks like something that leapt wetly out of H.P. Lovecraft's worst night terror.

And finally, I chuckled at this quote from DownhillSherpa in that same post. Simple and straightforward. DownhillSherpa strikes me as a crunchy Williamsburg type. Kickball-playing asshole.

Total Fucking Duds

To hell with duds. Who has the energy nowadays? I'll get to them when I can get to them.

Have the best Wednesday night.

Tuesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

This thread, in the post about Bill Simmons's awful, execrable South Park/Tim Duncan comparison, has several very funny entries. Check it out.

Along those same lines, here's a funny comment from burner kevinnashsquad in the same post. Get yourself an avatar and stick around, guy.

I also particularly enjoyed this clever version of a similar joke from IronMikeGallego in the same post. That's a great pull.

Because I am a moron, I needed more than one try with this excellent one-liner from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Thrown Dog post. That is so good.

Here's a big ol' Idiot joke from Same Sad Echo, also in the Thrown Dog post. The phone noises really punch up the humor here. The whole thing is ridiculous.

Okay, so, I will almost never do this. There's mentioning a reply in the Favorites, and then there's mentioning a Pending in the Favorites, and then there's mentioning a reply to a Pending in the Favorites. The reply from gdsmithtx in the 137 Mentions post made me laugh. Sorry. This will not happen again.

Total Fucking Duds

Here's something regrettable from otherwise solid commenter EditBay in the San Diego Bush Diving post. Oof. Wah-wah (<---sad trombone effect). That's some low-hanging fruit, friend. You don't want to be the guy making the super-obvious joke unless you've got some fancy trick up your sleeve.

I wouldn't normally strenuously recommend you click through to read a Total Fucking Dud, but the subsequent (and well-earned) takedown of this horrible comment from Lana, Lana...LANAAAAAA!!! in the Thrown Dog post is just hysterical. Please follow the link. You will enjoy it.

That's it for tonight. Sorry about yesterday. Forgive me. And have a great night.

Tuesday Roundup

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a very good one-liner from fatleaveher in the Judge Judy post. Well done.

I also enjoyed this line from BurnerWilliams in the Judge Judy post. BurnerWilliams is a good commenter, almost certainly an alter ego of an established commenter. Later, here's a simple, straightforward line in the Amputee Soccer Fight post. Nice job.

Here's a silly sequence from BronzeHammer in the Shane Battier post. Ultimately, it's a dig at Kenny Smith, but much of the humor comes from the absurdity of the entire premise. Good shit.

There are many hilarious entries in the Toronto Raptors post, and I encourage you to look through the entire comments section. Here's the link.

Here's a dynamite, dynamite one-liner from Poignant Theater in the Amputee Soccer Fight post. And in the same post, here's another kick-ass joke. Two winners in a single post - that's great hustle, a rare feat.

I chuckled at this Idiot joke from RMJ=H in the Amputee Soccer Fight post. So dumb. Later, I chuckled again at this Marvin Harrison joke in the Austin Collie post. Nice work.

Also in the Amputee Soccer Fight post, here's a funny, goofy one-liner from Bring Back Anthony Mason. Note how he slows down the pace of this joke before the punchline by doubling up on adjectives. Timing! In a written joke! Nice.

And here's another successful variation in the Amputee Soccer Fight post, from Raysism. So many different angles available. And later, here's a funny line in the Milton Bradley post. Ah, Raysism.

Here's a sharp one-liner from Steve U in the Bat Dodger post. An elegant set-up and a quick wordplay turn for the punchline. This is how it's done.

Also in the Bat Dodger post, here's quick one-liner from FreemanMcNeil. Joke mechanics are endlessly fascinating to me: this joke turns entirely on the use of the term "Dodger", but as an exercise, I like to boil the joke down entirely to it's punchline and see how effective it is with the absolute minimum delivery. He is a Dodger fan - that's the brand-new Deadspin commenter version, and it's not funny at all. He is a lifelong Dodger fan - this joke still has almost no juice. This version of the joke, this bare-bones unsuccessful version has six total words, and FreemanMcNeil's version has nine. They boil down to the exact same thing, but a nine-word version of a six-word joke that turns on a one-word pun is many times over more successful. Fascinating! With minimal, minimal embellishment (three words!), FreemanMcNeil gave this line character, a voice, and timing, and it went from a bone-dry pun to a successful one-liner. Awesome.

I'm not sure how I feel, in general, about commenters spoofing (or just outright utilizing) All Over But The Sharting's signature Olive Garden joke format, but I did chuckle at this particular version from The Amazing Sneijderman in the Dead Letters post. Conspicuously absent? Any reply from All Over But The Sharting himself. BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN????

This is so fucking funny, from sweatingmullets in the Austin Collie post. Holy smokes. This is the joke from Tuesday that made me laugh the most. It's super simple, but the absolute minimalism of it is what makes it so great. Later, I enjoyed this offering in the Sidney Crosby post. Way to go.

Mantis Toboggan, M.D. cracked me up with this Lassie joke in the Austin Collie post. So ridiculous. I am powerless against this kind of thing.

Total Fucking Duds

Here's a boring-as-hell paint-by-numbers Ben Roethlisberger joke from Utah Jazz Hands in the Chandler Parsons post. I remain perplexed by the fact that Utah Jazz Hands is outside the Pendings. He's no good.

Meet MJsThrowbackBitch, easily one of the five or so very worst Deadspin commenters, seen here trolling the Bat Dodger post. For reasons that cannot possibly be defended, MJsThrowbackBitch is a featured commenter. I find it appalling that there's a Deadspin author who is following this guy. There was not a single regular featured commenter pre-Kinja who was anywhere near as obnoxious and irrelevant as this guy. Seriously, Deadspin. Kinja is what it is, but let's execute a little control, eh? For crying out loud. Put this chump in the Pendings where he belongs.

Too many Favorites, guys. 18 is just too many. We're going to have to raise the standards, and if this all sounds familiar it is surely because I have made this same declaration at least 800 times before. Still, I'm going to try. As always, drop any I left out in the comments below so they can get their due.

And have a great night.

Monday Roundup

Favorites and duds from Monday's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

I laughed at this question from Nikkolai in the Jim Kelly post. It's sharp and relevant, and it gets a nice boost from the choice to package it as a question. Great joke.

Here's a funny wordplay joke from Eddie Murray Sparkles in the Old Yankees Fan post. This is a very tidy delivery, packaging all the context and all the character in a smooth-as-possible set-up and then delivering the punchline at the very end. He could teach a class on this stuff.

Here's a kickass one-liner from RMJ=H in the Jason Kidd post. Unbelievably, this took me a second or two to assemble. Good stuff.

This is silly and stupid and funny, from FreemanMcNeil in the Chris Berman post. I laughed.

Here's a breezy little one-liner from a burner called Sphinx_Beneva. Get ye an avatar and pull up a chair, friend.

And here's a fucking dynamite jab from Steve U in the Navy Investigation post. Ah, Steve U. Don't ever leave us.

I chuckled at this line from Derrick_Roses_Are_Free in the Navy Investigation post. Nice work.

This, for me, is the funniest comment of the day, from IronMikeGallego in the Grizzlies post. This joke is funny from start to finish. It puts its cards on the table with the very first line, and then just piles on the silliness. Awesome.

This sequence from Bring Back Anthony Mason in the Da'Shawn Hand post was good for a chuckle. I'm down with just about any Lane Kiffin joke, to be honest.

And, finally, here's a damn funny catch by DougExeter in the Popovich post. Found something funny, pointed it out in a fairly straightforward way.

Total Fucking Duds

Nah.

Alright! Off to a good start this week: 10 Favorites from you fine funny folks, and a Roundup finished on time from me. Let's all keep it up, eh?

Enjoy Game 7, everyone. Maybe poke your head in DUAN, why not?